Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Election Update...

It is now just past 7pm on the East Coast, and the polls will have closed there one week from tonight at this time. Here at CBS News, we now feel confident in predicting that all Democrats have won every race nationwide!

The results are now coming in faster than a pair of jack-rabbits on a prom date, and things are as clear as a blue sky on a summer's day...

With 0% of the precincts reporting, Democrats have achieved an insurmountable lead in each and every contest, based on our exclusive Pre-Exit Polls, and have even won races where they have not fielded a candidate, as well as races not even being contested this election cycle.

What this means is that Democrats will now controll all 100 Senate seats, all 435 House seats and all 50 Governorships, as well as every seat in every state legislative body, all statewide Constitutional offices for each and every state, all local and county offices, as well as the Presidency of the United States!

The election is thus being declared unnecessary at this point. You can all stay home next Tuesday.

Stay tuned to this blog for further developments throughout the night.

And, as always, Courage!

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