The opposite of right is left. The opposite of right is also wrong. Is it any wonder that the left is always wrong?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Thanks for Visiting!
Don't forget to check out my other blog, which I tend to update more often lately.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
The Quarterblackhole - Chicago Bears QB's 1951-Present
When the Chicago Bears take to the field for their season opener Sunday night in Green Bay before a national TV audience, they will lineup on offense for the first time with a new signal caller, quarterback Jay Cutler, who comes complete with something pretty much unknown in these parts --- Pro Bowl credentials.
Why is this so significant? Cutler will become the 56th player to take the field at the quarterback position for the team since Hall of Famer Sid Luckman retired after the 1950 season, and the 47th player to start at that position over the same period of time.
The list of players who have held the title of Chicago Bears quarterback over the last 58 seasons is hardly impressive. (In fact, it is downright discouraging once you hit the modern Super Bowl Era of 1966 to the present!)
The list includes only 4 men who have played in the Pro Bowl (the NFL's version of the All-Star Game) a total of 6 times with the team at that position (Johnny Lujack: 1950 & 1951; Ed Brown: 1955 & 1956; Billy Wade: 1963; and Jim McMahon: 1985), and only 1 player (McMahon) making a single Pro Bowl appearance at QB in a Bears uniform since 1963!
Oh, and yes George Blanda may be in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, but most certainly not due to his work as a Bears QB in the early 1950's! Blanda's rise to fame came after he went on to star for the Houston Oilers as a combination QB and kicker in the early to mid-1960's and then as a kicker for the Oakland Raiders from the late 1960's until he retired in the mid-1970's.
Coincidentally, the team has won just 2 NFL Championships throughout all those years, in 1963 and 1985 (Super Bowl XX), both of which featured Pro Bowl caliber performances by their quarterbacks.
So the very idea that the Chicago Bears, after all these years, have managed to obtain a quarterback with known star-quality is quite a big deal for their fans, as you might well imagine.
After all, how would you like to have sat through this mess for any significant portion of the last 58 years?...
CHICAGO BEARS QB'S After Sid Luckman Era (Retired after 1950 season):
Name, Seasons Played at QB with Team (Games at QB, Games Started at QB, Team Record in Games Started at QB, QB Rating as a Chicago Bear)
BOLD = Started at Least 1 Game as QB
* = All-Pro/Pro-Bowl (Each * is 1 Season Honored)
+ = Won NFL Championship (Each + is 1 Championship)
# = Hall of Famer
Jay Cutler's statistics with the Denver Broncos, 2006-08: 37, 37, 17-20, 87.1
He was selected for the 2008 Pro Bowl.
All statistics compiled from Pro-Football-Reference.com
[Please note that this list does not include players who primarily played other positions who may have thrown option passes or players who may have been on the roster as QB's without ever attempting at least 1 pass in an official game.]
Why is this so significant? Cutler will become the 56th player to take the field at the quarterback position for the team since Hall of Famer Sid Luckman retired after the 1950 season, and the 47th player to start at that position over the same period of time.
The list of players who have held the title of Chicago Bears quarterback over the last 58 seasons is hardly impressive. (In fact, it is downright discouraging once you hit the modern Super Bowl Era of 1966 to the present!)
The list includes only 4 men who have played in the Pro Bowl (the NFL's version of the All-Star Game) a total of 6 times with the team at that position (Johnny Lujack: 1950 & 1951; Ed Brown: 1955 & 1956; Billy Wade: 1963; and Jim McMahon: 1985), and only 1 player (McMahon) making a single Pro Bowl appearance at QB in a Bears uniform since 1963!
Oh, and yes George Blanda may be in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, but most certainly not due to his work as a Bears QB in the early 1950's! Blanda's rise to fame came after he went on to star for the Houston Oilers as a combination QB and kicker in the early to mid-1960's and then as a kicker for the Oakland Raiders from the late 1960's until he retired in the mid-1970's.
Coincidentally, the team has won just 2 NFL Championships throughout all those years, in 1963 and 1985 (Super Bowl XX), both of which featured Pro Bowl caliber performances by their quarterbacks.
So the very idea that the Chicago Bears, after all these years, have managed to obtain a quarterback with known star-quality is quite a big deal for their fans, as you might well imagine.
After all, how would you like to have sat through this mess for any significant portion of the last 58 years?...
CHICAGO BEARS QB'S After Sid Luckman Era (Retired after 1950 season):
Name, Seasons Played at QB with Team (Games at QB, Games Started at QB, Team Record in Games Started at QB, QB Rating as a Chicago Bear)
BOLD = Started at Least 1 Game as QB
* = All-Pro/Pro-Bowl (Each * is 1 Season Honored)
+ = Won NFL Championship (Each + is 1 Championship)
# = Hall of Famer
- Johnny Lujack**, 1948-51 (45, 19, 13-6, 65.3)
- George Blanda#, 1949, 50, 52-58 (115, 21, 8-12-1, 51.3)
- Steve Romanik, 1950-53 (24, 8, 4-4, 33.6)
- Bob Williams, 1951-52, 55 (29, 7, 3-4, 55.8)
- Tommy O'Connell, 1953 (12, 0, --, 50.4)
- Willie Thrower, 1953 (1, 0, --, 7.8)
- Ed Brown**, 1954-61 (98, 67, 41-25-2, 62.5)
- Zeke Bratkowski, 1954, 57-60 (59, 14, 9-5, 46.4)
- Jim Haluska, 1956 (5, 0, --, 39.6)
- Rudy Bukich, 1958-59, 62-68 (59, 30, 21-14-3, 72.9)
- Billy Wade*+, 1961-66 (59, 49, 27-20-2, 73.6)
- Larry Rakestraw, 1966-68 (13, 4, 0-4, 40.7)
- Jack Concannon, 1967-71, (51, 40, 17-22-1, 55.6)
- Virgil Carter, 1968-69, 76 (18, 7, 4-3, 57.4)
- Bobby Douglass, 1969-75 (61, 45, 13-31-1, 47.5)
- Kent Nix, 1970-71 (9, 4, 1-3, 40.1)
- John Huarte, 1972 (2, 0, --, 47.9)
- Gary Huff, 1973-76 (43, 22, 5-17, 49.8)
- Joe Barnes, 1974 (3, 0, --, 0.9)
- Bob Avellini, 1975-84 (73, 50, 23-27, 54.8)
- Mike Phipps, 1977-81 (31, 20, 14-6, 57.1)
- Vince Evans, 1977-83 (56, 32, 12-20, 57.3)
- Jim McMahon*+, 1982-88 (66, 61, 46-15, 80.4)
- Steve Fuller, 1984-86 (38, 11, 6-5, 72.4)
- Rusty Lisch, 1984 (7, 1, 0-1, 35.1)
- Greg Landry, 1984 (1, 1, 1-0, 66.5)
- Mike Tomczak, 1985-90 (77, 31, 21-10, 62.5)
- Doug Flutie, 1986-87 (5, 1, 1-0, 80.1)
- Jim Harbaugh, 1987-93 (89, 65, 35-30, 74.2)
- Mike Hohensee, 1987 (2, 2, 2-0, 92.1)
- Steve Bradley, 1987 (1, 1, 0-1, 45.1)
- Sean Payton, 1987 (3, 0, --, 27.3)
- Peter Tom Willis, 1990-93 (21, 3, 0-3, 54.9)
- Will Furrer, 1992 (2, 1, 0-1, 7.3)
- Erik Kramer, 1994-98 (49, 46, 18-28, 80.7)
- Steve Walsh, 1994-95 (13, 11, 8-3, 77.9)
- Dave Kreig, 1996 (13, 12, 6-6, 76.3)
- Shane Matthews, 1996, 99-2001 (21, 15, 8-7, 75.1)
- Steve Stenstrom, 1996-98 (11, 7, 1-6, 67.1)
- Rick Mirer, 1997 (7, 3, 0-3, 37.7)
- Moses Moreno, 1998 (2, 1, 0-1, 62.7)
- Cade McNown, 1999-2000 (25, 15, 3-12, 67.7)
- Jim Miller, 1999-2002 (32, 26, 15-11, 76.7)
- Mark Hartsell, 2000 (1, 0, --, 39.6)
- Chris Chandler, 2002-03 (17, 13, 5-8, 69.8)
- Henry Burris, 2002 (6, 1, 0-1, 28.4)
- Cory Sauter, 2002 (1, 0, --, 85.0)
- Kordell Stewart, 2003 (9, 7, 2-5, 56.8)
- Rex Grossman, 2003-08 (36, 31, 19-12, 70.2)
- Chad Hutchinson, 2004 (5, 5, 1-4, 73.6)
- Craig Krenzel, 2004 (6, 5, 3-2, 52.5)
- Jonathan Quinn, 2004 (5, 3, 0-3, 53.7)
- Kyle Orton, 2005, 07-08 (33, 33, 21-12, 71.1)
- Jeff Blake, 2005 (3, 0, --, 129.2)
- Brian Griese, 2006-07 (13, 6, 3-3, 74.1)
- Jay Cutler, 2009-? (TBD)
Jay Cutler's statistics with the Denver Broncos, 2006-08: 37, 37, 17-20, 87.1
He was selected for the 2008 Pro Bowl.
All statistics compiled from Pro-Football-Reference.com
[Please note that this list does not include players who primarily played other positions who may have thrown option passes or players who may have been on the roster as QB's without ever attempting at least 1 pass in an official game.]
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Meet "Fred"
I have just posted what might be my "grand finale" post over at IMAO, which features my first-ever YouTube movie!
Check it out:
[For more, click on over to IMAO.]
Check it out:
[For more, click on over to IMAO.]
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Moonbat Martyrdom and the Maxed Out Race Card
As with any religion, Moonbattery has its share of martyrs.
The Fastest way to martyrdom in the Church of Moonbattery is to be exposed to the world at large as the left-wing fringe lunatic you are and to, as a direct result of such exposure, be chased out of a position of trust or authority.
That you are, in fact, a left-wing fringe lunatic is a given with these people. If you weren't, they wouldn't worship and adore you. It is the exposure of your true nature to too many sane, rational people that brings about your downfall, as the only way to advance Moonbattery is to successfully hide what you are up to from the masses long enough to do great damage to American society, just as it is written in the Moonbat Bible, Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals.
Such is the case with Van Jones, the much lamented ex-Czar of "Green Jobs." Seven months into this mess of an administration, no one can point to a single job, green, orange, mauve, magenta, taupe or otherwise that this genius created with the $60 billion he was handed from the "stimulus" package, but no one on the left or in the media (but I repeat myself) seems to care about such trivialities.
Nope --- it's damage control time on Moonbattery's front lines! The more people they can keep from learning the real truth about Van Jones, the less damage that will be done to the movement and their precious Obama Administration.
So to listen to them, when they will even deign to discuss it all, the reason Van Jones got towed away to the scrapyard was all due to a "vicious smear campaign" conducted by Glenn Beck, talk radio and right-wing bloggers. It had nothing whatsoever to do with his being a 9/11 "Truther" loon, nor did it have to do with his being an avowed Communist, nor his being a founding member of the Marxist radical group STORM, nor his naming his newborn son after a Communist revolutionary in 2006, nor his advocacy of freeing notorious cop-killer and far-left radical Mumia Abu-Jamal (with whom he cut a rather disgusting album, incidentally), nor his belief in a conspiracy by "whitey" to poison blacks with industrial pollution, etc., etc., etc.
Nope, all smoke and mirrors, kiddies! The reasons for Van Jones downfall according to the left? He dared to call Republicans a$$h@les (which, of course, everyone knows is true) in a video that got splashed around on YouTube, compared former President George W. Bush to a "crackhead" in yet another YouTube moment, oh, and of course...
RACISM!!!
That's right, out comes the race card yet again. It really seems to be the only bullet left in their arsenal right now, doesn't it?
You know what else is attributed to racism by the left?
Any and all criticism of Barack Obama, his administration, his proposals, his policies, his past, his associates, the neckties he wears, the brand of shampoo he uses, his method of holding his fork while eating his waffles...
RACISM!!! RACISM!!! RACISM!!!
There is not one blessed thing on this earth that anyone could rationally disagree with this turkey or the rest of his witless drones about that would not get them labelled as "racists."
I bet you didn't even realize that the real reason you and I do not support Obama's health care plan is because we don't want poor black people and Hispanics to have free medical care. And here we were deluding ourselves into thinking it was because of the outrageous cost; the further over-empowerment of an already far too powerful government; the massive, crushing debt; the potential severe and permanent damage to the economy; the likelihood of an eventual end to all private insurance plans; the inevitable rationing of care; the unavoidable reduction of the overall quality of what is today the finest health care system in the entire world (not to mention a whole host of other very real concerns).
Nope, we're all just a bunch of racists.
Well, I don't know about you, but I've had it! The time has come for us, as the responsible adults in this political family, to take away junior's race card.
The race card is maxed out and you're not able to keep up with the payments anymore. You were warned time and again to only use it in a real emergency when real, actual racism was around and threatening to harm people, but instead you just kept whipping it out during every petty argument you ever got into with someone who didn't agree with your politics and kept on running up the bill. Well, enough is enough, children. You've been totally irresponsible with it and we're just not letting you use it anymore, so hand it over!
Now go to your room!
The Fastest way to martyrdom in the Church of Moonbattery is to be exposed to the world at large as the left-wing fringe lunatic you are and to, as a direct result of such exposure, be chased out of a position of trust or authority.
That you are, in fact, a left-wing fringe lunatic is a given with these people. If you weren't, they wouldn't worship and adore you. It is the exposure of your true nature to too many sane, rational people that brings about your downfall, as the only way to advance Moonbattery is to successfully hide what you are up to from the masses long enough to do great damage to American society, just as it is written in the Moonbat Bible, Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals.
Such is the case with Van Jones, the much lamented ex-Czar of "Green Jobs." Seven months into this mess of an administration, no one can point to a single job, green, orange, mauve, magenta, taupe or otherwise that this genius created with the $60 billion he was handed from the "stimulus" package, but no one on the left or in the media (but I repeat myself) seems to care about such trivialities.
Nope --- it's damage control time on Moonbattery's front lines! The more people they can keep from learning the real truth about Van Jones, the less damage that will be done to the movement and their precious Obama Administration.
So to listen to them, when they will even deign to discuss it all, the reason Van Jones got towed away to the scrapyard was all due to a "vicious smear campaign" conducted by Glenn Beck, talk radio and right-wing bloggers. It had nothing whatsoever to do with his being a 9/11 "Truther" loon, nor did it have to do with his being an avowed Communist, nor his being a founding member of the Marxist radical group STORM, nor his naming his newborn son after a Communist revolutionary in 2006, nor his advocacy of freeing notorious cop-killer and far-left radical Mumia Abu-Jamal (with whom he cut a rather disgusting album, incidentally), nor his belief in a conspiracy by "whitey" to poison blacks with industrial pollution, etc., etc., etc.
Nope, all smoke and mirrors, kiddies! The reasons for Van Jones downfall according to the left? He dared to call Republicans a$$h@les (which, of course, everyone knows is true) in a video that got splashed around on YouTube, compared former President George W. Bush to a "crackhead" in yet another YouTube moment, oh, and of course...
RACISM!!!
That's right, out comes the race card yet again. It really seems to be the only bullet left in their arsenal right now, doesn't it?
You know what else is attributed to racism by the left?
Any and all criticism of Barack Obama, his administration, his proposals, his policies, his past, his associates, the neckties he wears, the brand of shampoo he uses, his method of holding his fork while eating his waffles...
RACISM!!! RACISM!!! RACISM!!!
There is not one blessed thing on this earth that anyone could rationally disagree with this turkey or the rest of his witless drones about that would not get them labelled as "racists."
I bet you didn't even realize that the real reason you and I do not support Obama's health care plan is because we don't want poor black people and Hispanics to have free medical care. And here we were deluding ourselves into thinking it was because of the outrageous cost; the further over-empowerment of an already far too powerful government; the massive, crushing debt; the potential severe and permanent damage to the economy; the likelihood of an eventual end to all private insurance plans; the inevitable rationing of care; the unavoidable reduction of the overall quality of what is today the finest health care system in the entire world (not to mention a whole host of other very real concerns).
Nope, we're all just a bunch of racists.
Well, I don't know about you, but I've had it! The time has come for us, as the responsible adults in this political family, to take away junior's race card.
The race card is maxed out and you're not able to keep up with the payments anymore. You were warned time and again to only use it in a real emergency when real, actual racism was around and threatening to harm people, but instead you just kept whipping it out during every petty argument you ever got into with someone who didn't agree with your politics and kept on running up the bill. Well, enough is enough, children. You've been totally irresponsible with it and we're just not letting you use it anymore, so hand it over!
Now go to your room!
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Guess Who is Guest Blogging Over at IMAO?
Go on, guess!
Okay, okay, I'll give you a hint...
It's me!
Well, I guess that was a pretty big hint, really.
Kind of gave it away entirely. I was never very good at this game.
Anyway, I am honored and humbled to be a part of one the greatest blogs on the whole worldwide interwebby thingy.
I will be over there for about a week and some change.
My first post is here for anyone that might care. More to come...
Okay, okay, I'll give you a hint...
It's me!
Well, I guess that was a pretty big hint, really.
Kind of gave it away entirely. I was never very good at this game.
Anyway, I am honored and humbled to be a part of one the greatest blogs on the whole worldwide interwebby thingy.
I will be over there for about a week and some change.
My first post is here for anyone that might care. More to come...
Sunday, May 03, 2009
2009 Illinois Bloggers Conference
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Presenting: The No Suck Blog Award!
I hereby award this totally non-sucky No Suck Badge Award to IMAO and Bad Example.
Why? Because I feel like it! Do not question me again, peon, or you shall feel my mighty wrath!
All hail Frank J., Harvey and Basil!
And a nostalgic shout out to spacemonkey, Laurence Simon, Cadet Happy, RightWingDuck, the beautiful SarahK, and yes, even to you, Aquaman, wherever you may be!
Nuke the moon!
Nominations for future recipients gladly accepted. Winners must meet minimum no suck standards. Void where prohibited by the evil left wing fascist free speech police.
Two flavors now available for your sidebars:
230 x 230
190 x 190
Choose and perish!
********************
UPDATE:
I figured I'd go ahead and present my very, very close friends at America is an Obamanation! one these puppies as well. What can I say? "Rev." Right and I are very close. Be sure to check out his blog sometime.
********************
UPDATE #2 (4/11/09):
It seems Harvey has accepted my offering on behalf of IMAO and has given me back this:
Now, if I can only figure out how to get the sidebar on this old version of Blogger to accept images once again (it doesn't seem to want to cooperate), I can add another pointless graphic to MY sidebar!
Let's see, what can I say?
You don't hate me! You really, really kind of don't hate me! Wow! I'd like to thank me, without whom none of this would have been possible. Everyone else can go suck a lemon. I don't need you anyway, look how great I am! Bugger off...
Wait! Come back, I'm just kidding. No, really, get lost. You'd only eat all my Cheetos and drink all my Mr. Pibb, then wipe your orange hands and face on my curtains when I wasn't looking and ruin all the tables by not using coasters anyway. You people make terrible house guests. Really, go away now before I get angry and turn the hose on you. That would be ugly. Nobody needs to see that, so go.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Finger Lickin' Good!
Michelle Malkin is having a photoshop contest for "Obama Fingers" based on the ridiculous German frozen food concept pictured below. (Yes, they're real!)
Anyway, here's my entry (click on it for a better look):
You can see the others HERE.
Anyway, here's my entry (click on it for a better look):
You can see the others HERE.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Democrats Draft Legislation to "Retire" Illinois Senate Seat in Honor of Barack Obama
Democrats in Congress were scrambling Tuesday to find a way to put an end to a new controversy swirling around Senator Roland Burris (D-IL). It now seems that the man who was recently appointed by former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (Impeached Crook-Chicago) to fill the Senate seat vacated by Our Lord and Savior, President Barack Hussein Obama, may have lied under oath about discussing payment for said seat with the Governor's brother. Unable to trust the voters of Illinois to do the right thing and elect yet another liberal Democrat with the proper skin pigmentation to fill the hallowed seat in any special election that may yet result from the scandal, a proposal was made, instead, to have the seat permanently "retired" to honor The King of All Unicorns. The idea quickly picked up unanimous support among Democrats everywhere.
Not content to simply leave it at one seat, however, Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) soon put forth an even bolder proposal, "Just as Major League Baseball retired Jackie Robinson's uniform number for every team in honor of his breaking the sport's color barrier, we, too, must follow their example and retire one Senate seat from all fifty states in honor of President Obama's historic achievement in breaking the most important color barrier of all," she said in a speech from the Senate floor Tuesday.
"Here's how it will work," Senator Boxer explained. "Any state with two Democrats serving, other than Illinois, of course, will have both seats grandfathered in until one or the other Senator dies, voluntarily retires, or loses re-election, at which time the first such seat in each of those states to become vacated would be immediately and irrevocably 'retired' in honor of President Obama. In states which have one Senator from each party, the Republican seat would be immediately retired and in states represented by two Republicans, a panel of Senate Democrats will decide which one we dislike the least and retire the other one's chair forthwith."
"Think of the money we are going to save the American taxpayer by eliminating half the Senators," said Senate Budget Committee Chairman Kent Conrad (D-ND). "Half the salaries, half the expense accounts, half the staffs, half the perks... the savings could feasibly be expected to reach hundreds of millions of dollars annually. Why, you'd have to be a fiscally irresponsible nitwit NOT to support this idea!"
To celebrate this newly discovered windfall, the bill would also immediately quadruple the annual salaries, expense accounts, staffs and perks for all the remaining Senators, including those protected by the grandfather clause.
"What about the retired seats?" One reporter asked at a hastily assembled Senate press conference, "Do we just simply make do with fewer votes in the Senate for each bill?"
"The legislation has been crafted in such a way, that all the retired seats would still be allowed to vote in perpetuity in a way that most reflects the wishes of President Barack Obama," said a smiling Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY). "This would presumably be accomplished during his lifetime with a simple phone call, email or text message whenever necessary. The method for determining his wishes on any particular piece of legislation after his passing would be a bit trickier, but the bill does provide several hundred billion dollars in annual funding for Ouija Boards, crystal balls and a team of professional mediums to be screened, selected and appointed by the NAACP, Operation PUSH, the Congressional Black Caucus, MoveOn.org and the Democratic National Committee."
Reaction from opponents was swift and vocal, but those in favor of it were eager to defend the move.
"Any and all objections to this landmark proposal are, of course, strictly motivated by racism," said NAACP spokesperson Phyllis Whitt-Dredd. "Fortunately the legislation will outlaw all future dissent over anything supported by the Barack Obama Seats as a prosecutable hate-crime."
The bill also immediately "retires" the chair of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas in honor of the man who formerly held his seat, Justice Thurgood Marshall, who said through his NAACP appointed medium, Miss Claire Voyant, "I am truly honored and touched by this gesture. This is the greatest day of my afterlife. Oh, and I declare this bill fully and completely constitutional!"
Also attached to the bill is the Pelosi-Reid Amendment, which changes the legal definition of "bipartisanship" to "legislation crafted with input from Democrats in both the House AND Senate."
According to a statement issued minutes ago, Republicans Arlen Specter (PA), Olympia Snowe (ME) and Susan Collins (ME) have agreed to support the bill "in the spirit of political cooperation and racial harmony as well as an irrational but all-consuming fear of being glared at menacingly by certain members of the mainstream media and our Democrat colleagues if we fail to obey their every command."
********************
Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!
Not content to simply leave it at one seat, however, Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) soon put forth an even bolder proposal, "Just as Major League Baseball retired Jackie Robinson's uniform number for every team in honor of his breaking the sport's color barrier, we, too, must follow their example and retire one Senate seat from all fifty states in honor of President Obama's historic achievement in breaking the most important color barrier of all," she said in a speech from the Senate floor Tuesday.
"Here's how it will work," Senator Boxer explained. "Any state with two Democrats serving, other than Illinois, of course, will have both seats grandfathered in until one or the other Senator dies, voluntarily retires, or loses re-election, at which time the first such seat in each of those states to become vacated would be immediately and irrevocably 'retired' in honor of President Obama. In states which have one Senator from each party, the Republican seat would be immediately retired and in states represented by two Republicans, a panel of Senate Democrats will decide which one we dislike the least and retire the other one's chair forthwith."
"Think of the money we are going to save the American taxpayer by eliminating half the Senators," said Senate Budget Committee Chairman Kent Conrad (D-ND). "Half the salaries, half the expense accounts, half the staffs, half the perks... the savings could feasibly be expected to reach hundreds of millions of dollars annually. Why, you'd have to be a fiscally irresponsible nitwit NOT to support this idea!"
To celebrate this newly discovered windfall, the bill would also immediately quadruple the annual salaries, expense accounts, staffs and perks for all the remaining Senators, including those protected by the grandfather clause.
"What about the retired seats?" One reporter asked at a hastily assembled Senate press conference, "Do we just simply make do with fewer votes in the Senate for each bill?"
"The legislation has been crafted in such a way, that all the retired seats would still be allowed to vote in perpetuity in a way that most reflects the wishes of President Barack Obama," said a smiling Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY). "This would presumably be accomplished during his lifetime with a simple phone call, email or text message whenever necessary. The method for determining his wishes on any particular piece of legislation after his passing would be a bit trickier, but the bill does provide several hundred billion dollars in annual funding for Ouija Boards, crystal balls and a team of professional mediums to be screened, selected and appointed by the NAACP, Operation PUSH, the Congressional Black Caucus, MoveOn.org and the Democratic National Committee."
Reaction from opponents was swift and vocal, but those in favor of it were eager to defend the move.
"Any and all objections to this landmark proposal are, of course, strictly motivated by racism," said NAACP spokesperson Phyllis Whitt-Dredd. "Fortunately the legislation will outlaw all future dissent over anything supported by the Barack Obama Seats as a prosecutable hate-crime."
The bill also immediately "retires" the chair of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas in honor of the man who formerly held his seat, Justice Thurgood Marshall, who said through his NAACP appointed medium, Miss Claire Voyant, "I am truly honored and touched by this gesture. This is the greatest day of my afterlife. Oh, and I declare this bill fully and completely constitutional!"
Also attached to the bill is the Pelosi-Reid Amendment, which changes the legal definition of "bipartisanship" to "legislation crafted with input from Democrats in both the House AND Senate."
According to a statement issued minutes ago, Republicans Arlen Specter (PA), Olympia Snowe (ME) and Susan Collins (ME) have agreed to support the bill "in the spirit of political cooperation and racial harmony as well as an irrational but all-consuming fear of being glared at menacingly by certain members of the mainstream media and our Democrat colleagues if we fail to obey their every command."
********************
Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Media Votes to Expel Rod Blagojevich from Democrat Party
By unanimous vote, representatives from all major American media organizations unceremoniously stripped former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich of his Democrat party affiliation late Thursday following his removal from office by the Illinois State Senate on corruption charges.
The expulsion is immediate and retroactive and forbids any member of the journalism community from ever again identifying Rod Blagojevich as a Democrat on air or in print, under penalty of professional decertification and a wicked swirly in the men's john at an undisclosed highway rest stop.
"I think it goes without saying that we would like to forget he was ever mistakenly referred to as a member of our party," stated Libby Slater, spokesperson for the 'politically unaffiliated' Journalists Against Conservative Killjoys Allied in Support of Socialism (JACKASS). "In fact, we have issued an edict demanding that all evidence of such an unwelcome association be tracked down and stricken from the record. This includes all archived video, audio, print and electronic media references to Mr. Blagojevich over the last 20 years. Luckily, since this latest scandal began, hardly anybody's been mentioning his so-called party affiliation anyway, just out of precaution."
No word yet and whether or not they will take the cruel and unusual step of officially re-branding him a "Republican."
(Developing...)
********************
Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Newly Redesigned "Welcome to Illinois" Road Signs Unveiled
In honor of our state's latest achievement, we thought they could use some tweaking...
Ain't they just (im)peachy?
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Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!
Ain't they just (im)peachy?
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Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!
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