Saturday, May 14, 2005

Bloglighting - Hog on Ice

Okay, this is too good to keep to myself, so without further adieu, it is time for an impromptu Bloglighting!

If you need a laugh... or two... or three... or a few dozen... Okay, if you want to fall out of your chair laughing so hard you can hardly catch your breath, you need to acquaint yourself with a fellow by the name of Steve H. Graham.

Steve is an attorney from the "Holy City" of Coral Gables, Florida and is the wicked wit behind a blogolicious creation called Hog on Ice, which has quickly risen through the ranks of my daily "must read" addictions. Why? Here is just a small sample of the types of things that can be found on this man's (PG-13) blog:

First of all, there's the recently added "ticker" at the top of the page which, as of my writing this, is flashing such things at me as:

"Behold the HOI Ticker:" (I am the Devil.)
"It Serves no Discernible Purpose." (I am sending messages via Steve's ridiculous ticker.)
"It Refuses to Display Yellow Text." (Worship me, pigs.)
"I Want to Punch it in the Face." (Reality TV was all my idea.)


Next, don't miss the recurring feature, Good Morning, Nigeria!, in which Steve actually dares to correspond with many of those spammers we all detest, promises to send them money and/or the personal information they crave and then gives them the business in ways so funny that they must be read to be believed! He claims he is writing a book based on this stunt, and I for one hope he really is! Here, in a response letter to one of the spammers, is just a sample of the kind of lunacy he engages in with them:

You are very welcome for my email! I enjoyed typing it! A few years back, I hyperextended both thumbs while milking a lactating sloth at the Lomotil Zoological Gardens and Fungus Arboretum. My chiropractor, Dr. Ramaswami Vindaloo, says typing is the only activity that will keep them from seizing up on me. Well, he mentioned one other activity, but it made me feel like slapping him.


And be sure not to miss the celebrity cameos by the likes of Wile E. Coyote, Herman Munster, Barney Rubble and Mrs. Butterworth. By the way, the funniest part of the whole bit has to be the fake passport pictures he has created! When I saw the one for "Stephanie Hopkins", I nearly busted a gut! (Those of you well-versed in Washington politics will get it immediately.)

Do yourself a favor, scroll down to the bottom of the page and read them from bottom to top so as to keep them in proper chronological order. It helps.

Steve also frequently shares recipes and food preparation tales about stuff so rich and fattening, you'll gain 10 pounds just reading about it!

He has been known to occasionally gives us glimpses into the minds of his two pet birds, Marvin & Maynard.

Tell us tales of his wacky ex-girlfriend.

And his politics are definitely right-of-center:

I wonder what liberals will do next to sell their product. Here's an idea: how about printing liberal slogans on rolling papers? Imagine. You're sitting in your mom's basement with your liberal buddies, you pull out a sheet of TOP, and (assuming you can read after being taught by liberals for eighteen years) you see the phrase "NO BLOOD FOR OIL!" or "SELECTED NOT ELECTED" or "KARL MARX IS SEXY."

How about this: pacifiers with handles shaped like the heads of liberal politicians. Get babies used to thinking of the government as a big, juicy, liberal tit they can suck when things don't go their way.


And as if all that weren't enough, Steve's sense of humor is so vast, one blog can't possibly contain it! Enter Huffington's Toast, the blogosphere's latest and greatest parody site that appeared almost in perfect synch with Arianna Huffington's bloated and pompous Huffington Post. (No, Arianna, you may not have a link!) It's all hush, hush as to who is involved in it, but Steve has copped to playing a major roll in setting it up.

The pictures are hilarious (My favorite so far? Harry Reid), the articles are funny as Hell and even better are some of the links on the site's "Blogroll." Want to know what's so funny about the links on the Blogroll? Click a few! [HINT: Pick some of the celebrity (Barbra Streisand, Michael Moore, etc.), lefty (Air America, Daily Kos, etc.), MSM (The New York Times, etc.) or mega-blogger (Hugh Hewitt, etc.) links.]

Run along now and have some fun! Just remember who sent you over there. You can thank me later.

UPDATE: Okay, the jig is up! Steve just fingered the rest of the culprits behind the Huffington's Toast site in the comments section of this post, but since he seems to think some people would rather have fun trying to guess who they are, I won't just simply give away the store here. You'll have to click on the link above or the following links to each of their individual blogs if you want to know. I debated whether to include the following links, but I think these folks deserve credit for their fine work. Bravo, folks! Take a bow! CULPRIT #1, CULPRIT #2, CULPRIT #3, CULPRIT #4 and CULPRIT #5

NOTE: Post corrected due to idiot me getting the man's name wrong! A thousand pardons, good sir, if you happened to see the mistake. If not, what mistake are you talking about? I don't make mistakes! In fact, this correction notice is a figment of your imagination! So there!

1 comment:

Noel said...

I always wanted to be a "Culprit #5"...thanks, Mr. Right!