You Just Might Be a Moonbat...

UPDATE: Wow! It is an honor and a privilege to welcome all Conservative Grapevine readers to my humble little blog! I hope you enjoy your visit! Thank you, Mr. Hawkins!

Welcome also to my good friends from Brainster's Blog! Thanks again, Pat!

UPDATE 6/28: Welcome Rightwing Nuthouse inmates! Thanks to Rick Moran for making this blog the LEAD FEATURE of this week's Carnival of the Clueless #3! Be sure to check out some more of the fine entries. I feel honored, good sir.

Welcome WILLisms readers! Another thank you is owed to the great Will Franklin for featuring The Right Place in this week's Carnival of Classiness! More great stuff to check out there, too.

And a hearty welcome to the readers of DANEgerus (Genius Maximus) as well!

UPDATE 6/30: Welcome IMAO readers! Special guest blogger "Tom Cruise" has selected this post for IMAO's latest Carnival of Comedy! My enlightened inner body Thetans thank you (er... uh... something like that)!

Believe me, I am truly grateful for all of the links! We now return to our featured presentation...

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A great many people throughout America have recently devolved into "Moonbats."

While there is hope for a full recovery with proper treatment, the first step is to recognize that you do, in fact, have a problem.

To help you in determining if you need to seek help, and with all necessary apologies to the great Jeff Foxworthy, The Right Place proudly presents:

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A MOONBAT...

If you believe that the prison conditions at Guantanamo Bay are in any way comparable to those at a Soviet gulag, Nazi concentration camp or Pol Pot's "Killing Fields" - you just might be a Moonbat!

If people have ever addressed you as Illinois Senator Dick Durbin - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that most Republicans have never made an honest living in their lives - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that Howard Dean's Chairmanship of the DNC is the best thing to happen to the Democrat Party in years - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that Howard Dean's Chairmanship of the DNC is the best thing to happen to the Republican Party in years - you are most definitely NOT a Moonbat!

If you believe that Karl Rove's statements about "liberals" being soft on terrorists in the wake of 9/11 were obscene and demand that he resign in disgrace for daring to utter such filth, but anything and everything spoken in recent months by Dick Durbin, Howard Dean, Harry Reid, Charlie Rangel, Ted Kennedy and the rest of the Democrats are valid criticisms and observations that must never be apologized for or backed down from by any of them for any reason whatsoever - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that President Bush stole the 2004 Presidential Election in Ohio by nearly 120,000 votes, but that Christine Gregoire is the popularly elected Governor of the State of Washington - you just might be a Moonbat!

If, in the wake of the 2004 Election, you received professional psychiatric treatment for "PEST" and/or ever seriously considered moving to another country to escape from "Jesusland" - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that George W. Bush is the worst President in our nation's history, but that Jimmy Carter is a great and noble statesman - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you have ever used an asterisk in place of the President's name, or are incapable of saying it without using some combination of the terms "Hitler," "Shrub," or "Chimp" - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you routinely equate everyone you disagree with politically to Adolph Hitler - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that President Bush should or will be impeached over the "Downing Street Memo" - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you have ever participated in mock impeachment hearings in the basement of the U.S. Capitol - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that the greatest threat the world is facing today comes not from al-Qaeda or nuclear weapons programs in Iran and North Korea, but from the U.S. Armed Forces or the Bush Administration - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that acting "unilaterally" means "without the express written consent of France" - you just might be a Moonbat!

If reading the words "Diebold" or "Haliburton" fill you with a seething, boiling rage and the urge to harm your defenseless computer - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that the underlying story beneath the whole Dan Rather / 60 Minutes II / George W. Bush / Texas Air National Guard / Killian Memos flap is far more important than the fact that the documents were fakes - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you have ever seriously used the phrase "fake but accurate" as a defense of any of your arguments - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that Karl Rove created the forged TANG documents obtained by See-B.S. News, or that they are 100% genuine, or both (whichever explanation is most convenient at any given moment) - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that everything you have ever read at the Democratic Underground or the Daily Kos is the indisputable truth - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that John Kerry spent Christmas in Cambodia after he was sent there by President Elect Nixon and has a "magic hat" that can prove his story is true - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that all of the Swift Vets and POWs for Truth are nothing but a bunch of filthy, partisan liars acting on orders from the RNC - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that Ward Churchill is a great American patriot who is just a victim of the "Right Wing Attack Machine" attempting to infringe upon his First Amendment Right to Free Speech, but that Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, Bill O'Reilly and Fox News ought to be banned from the airwaves for practicing "hate speech" - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that Ward Churchill is a genuine Native American - you just might be Ward Churchill!

If you believe that Michael Moore is the greatest documentary filmmaker of our time - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you own any article of clothing with a picture of a well-known Communist on it that does not also feature a set of cross-hairs or a red circle and slash over his face - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you regularly quote the likes of Karl Marx, Noam Chomsky, Gore Vidal or Al Franken without lampooning them - you just might be a Moonbat!

If a Clinton/Boxer Presidential ticket for 2008 is your wet dream come true - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that the ACLU is doing this country a great service by protecting it from the likes of the Boy Scouts and public Nativity scenes while standing up for NAMBLA - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that consuming meat or dairy products amounts to an "abuse" of the "rights" of "our animal brethren" - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that openly opposing legalized "Gay Marriage" is hate speech - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you have ever knowingly given money to and/or attended a rally in support of PETA, MoveOn.org or ANSWER - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that average American Christians are an equal or possibly even bigger threat to the world at large than angry Islamofascist Terrorbots - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe it was a good thing that America "lost" the Vietnam War and that it deserves to lose the War in Iraq because it is all about oil and American Imperialism and because the evil Bush Administration lied to us - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe it is not only proper, but essential that any memorial at Ground Zero include an indictment of America for bringing the events of 9/11 upon itself due to its over-reaching corporate greed and evil Imperialist nature - you just might be a Moonbat!

If you believe that the horrific events of 9/11/01: a) Never actually took place; b) Were all part of a plot by the Israelis to make Muslims look bad; c) Were cooked up by George W. Bush and/or Karl Rove as an excuse to start a war; d) Were known about in advance by Israel and/or the White House or e) Were a good thing - you are more than just a garden-variety Moonbat, seek professional help IMMEDIATELY!

This has been a Public Service Message from The Right Place. No Moonbats were actually harmed in the creation of this post.

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If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy:
Selections from the "Donktionary"
The Moonbat Song

and "The Hill-Orgy of Errors":
Hillary Clinton's Secret Love Affair Exposed!
Bigfoot Takes His Own Life!
The Right Place Stands By Its Story!

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UPDATE: This post has been submitted to the following blog features...

Wizbang: Carnival of the Trackbacks XVII
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Open Trackbacks
Basil's Blog: Breakfast
My Pet Jawa: Do-it Yourself Fatwah Festival