Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The Far-Left's Favorite Soap Opera: Get Bush!

I keep thinking I'm watching a very, very bad tv series entitled "Get Bush!" that just drones on and on and on with no end in sight.

It runs all day, every day, seven days a week and has been on now for close to 5 years! I keep trying to change the channel, but it's on EVERY channel! I want to turn the tv off, but someone snuck into my house and broke the knob, stole the remote, crazy-glued the plug into the outlet and welded the circuit breaker into place! I would bash the tv screen in, but the last 10 times I tried that, someone snuck in and replaced the tv with another one!

No one but a handful of moonbat lefties want to watch this piece of crap anymore, but no one at any of the networks has the brains to cancel the damned thing! I keep trying to ignore it and go on with my life, but it just won't stop running in the background, occasionally shouting out from the other room! "The world is coming to an end and it's all Bush's fault - Film at eleven!" But then it all turns out to be nothing more than another red herring and the press and the Democrats and the DU crazies all skulk away depressed that the world didn't end and they didn't nail Bush and they have to go on with their miserable, worthless little lives and can't just die and take everybody else with them!

I'm pretty certain the rest of you have been watching this program, too - it seems none of us has much of a choice since everyone I talk to has had the same problem getting rid of it that I have - but in case you have managed to disable your tv or live on a deserted island somewhere (lucky you), let me get you up to speed.

It is billed as a drama, but at times it is so bad, it is unintentionally hysterically funny (its only saving grace)!

There are quite a few villains in this convoluted plot-line. Here are some of the key evil-doers:

1) George W. Bush, President of the United States.

Oops! Make that pResident as it reads in the "typo" in the credits. It seems he is some sort of evil genius - son of a former President, the second coming of Hitler, leader of the American Nazi Party (aka the Repugnicans) and was born of the unholy mating of a chimpanzee and Beelzebub himself. Funny thing is, he is also supposed to be as dumb as a box of rocks. Note to writers: Pick one, evil genius or stupid cowboy, and stick with it!

It all started when he was "selected not elected" President after a very close election in 2000 that was decided in the State of Florida, of all places! Somehow, we are supposed to believe he "stole" the election, even though no one has any proof to offer to back this allegation up.

Ironically, he won every count and recount conducted, but his opponent, then Vice-President Al Gore, kept insisting that they count again and again until HE won - even going so far as to:

a) Cherry pick recounts in certain counties where HIS party had a clear advantage;

b) Continually redefine what constitutes a vote on a ballot that no one could clearly count for any candidate and;

c) Keep filing court motions to arbitrarily move back deadlines written into state law by the legislature.

He even called in the son of an old Democrat Party machine boss from Chicago (who was notorious for stealing elections) to help him out! And he's supposed to be the good guy! (LOL)

Well, finally, after like a month of this, the mean old Supreme Court stepped in and put a stop to Gore's endless recount attempts and allowed Bush to win - AND THE SUN HAS NOT RISEN ONE SINGLE DAY ANYWHERE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH SINCE!!! (Or so I'm led to believe.)

To make themselves look even dopier, the writers decided to have Bush steal another election four years later, this time by almost 120,000 votes in the State of Ohio! (ROTFLMAO!!!) How DO you steal an election by that kind of a margin anyway? Oh... right! Conspire with the company that manufactures the voting machines! What a bunch of hacks these writers are!

Anyway, all the reporters and Democrats and left-wing loons everywhere keep trying to nail Bush with one trumped up scandal after another, after another, after another - each time only to be frustrated by their own gullibility in falling for another red herring that fails to sink him! They refuse to believe (or let on) that those "scandals" were much ado about nothing, so they try to claim his escaping them is just more evidence of how truly evil he really is!

Now and again, they distract themselves by trying to pin something on one of his evil cabal, which includes:

2) Karl Rove, Senior Domestic Policy Advisor

Shown in the credits as KKKarl Rove (another "typo"?), he is supposed to be the mad genius behind the throne. A veritable Palpatine to Bush's Vader. He also provides a convenient plot device allowing the writers to continue to portray Bush as both stupid and a genius as they can claim Bush is never really all that ingenious after all - Rove is his "brain!"

It seems Karl has conspired over the length of the series to (among many other things):

a) Steal both of the elections;

b) Entice a couple hundred decorated Vietnam veterans to lie about Bush's 2004 opponent (the saintly war hero, Sen. John F. Kerry);

c) Slander "liberals" by accusing them of being soft on terror;

d) Leak the name of the CIA-agent wife of a political foe to the press to get revenge upon him (current red herring) and;

e) (I just LOVE this one...) Concoct a bunch of obviously fake memos supposedly written by a long dead Lt. Col. on an old fashioned typewriter equipped with, get this - an MS Word typeface, purporting to show his own hand-puppet was AWOL and a total screw-up during his "bogus" Texas Air National Guard service, and then pass them off on a major news organization and their prize anchorman only to later have confederates on the Internet expose the documents as fakes and ruin the anchor and the news organization, which conveniently failed to do the most basic vetting of these memos in order to protect themselves! Or were the documents genuine after all? I keep getting confused on that issue, they can't seem to decide which explanation to go with! Who writes this stuff?

3) Dick Cheney, Vice-President of the United States

A rarely scene blood-sucking vampire with a bum ticker who hides in a cave somewhere in Pennsylvania (shouldn't that be Transylvania?) running a shadow government designed to make millions for a shady company known as Haliburton. Supposedly, he concocted the whole War on Terror thing to make money off of mideast oil or something like that.

The writers sometimes portray HIM as the real brains behind Bush. I wonder if they will reveal in the last episode whether he or Karl Rove is the real puppet-master here?

4) Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense

An amusing old codger who annoys the Hell out of the press by not playing kiss-ass with them. He spends all of his spare time secretly drawing up bizarre torture plans for the innocent "terror" suspects, who are really nothing more than a bunch of poor Afghan and Iraqi peasants and shepherds kidnapped by marauding U.S. forces in their make-believe war, being abused in Abu-Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay for shits and giggles. Watch out, Ahmed! They're playing with the thermostat on that air conditioner! You're in for it now! Oh, the humanity!

5) John Ashcroft, former Attorney General

Written out of the series after a solid 4 year run, Mr. Ashcroft was the most vile of creatures, a "Christian," who kept trying to single-handedly destroy the U.S. Constitution via the "Patriot Act" so he could send his storm-troopers to break into everyone's houses for no good reason and imprison all good liberals in concentration camps for thought crimes. Somehow, even though he got the law passed that was going to enable him to accomplish his evil dreams, he never bothered to do any of it! His worst offense - covering up some nude statues with a blue cloth. Some evil genius he turned out to be! Come on writers - where is the pay off here???

6) Tom DeLay, Congressional Boogeyman

Cackled defiantly in the face of justice after failing to file the proper paperwork for some junkets he took. Our heros got all excited that they were about to get him good, but forgot that most of the "good" little Democrats in Congress were guilty of the same indiscretion! Curses! Foiled again!

7) John Bolton, Evil Meanie

The meanest man ever to sport a fuzzy mustache! Vile and wicked man who once yelled at a subordinate and must never be allowed to be sworn in as United Federation of Planets Nations Ambassador, or the Earth will cease to revolve around the sun and at least one REPUBLICAN Senator might cry!

8) ???, Supreme Court Nominee

And now comes the next chapter they are setting up - the fight for control of the U.S. Supreme Court - it is promising to be fierce and bloody!

Enter the mystery nominee... We don't even know who he/she is yet, but we are already being assured that they are spawned of serpents and possessed by demons, waiting to defecate all over our Rights and Freedoms in the never-ending march to the right of oblivion and permanent control of the Bush Theocracy! (Wait! I thought Bush was a Nazi? Oh, right! He's an ultra-religious Nazi! One problem - Nazi's are atheists, dummies! Oh, well! The writing never has been consistent or believable anyway!)

There are more - many more - evil henchmen. Any Republicans or Conservatives who show up are treated as though they eat wide-eyed grade-schoolers for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

While this show has been intermittently comical over the last 5 years, I find myself growing weary of the insipid behavior of the "Get Bush" warriors, who are coming off as crazier, meaner, dumber and more and more unhinged in every episode!

Could we please cancel this nonsense and return to our regularly scheduled programming? Pretty please with sugar on top? No? Well - it was worth a try. I guess I'll get out the old baseball bat and give the tv another good whacking. It might buy me at least one night of peace and quiet before they forcibly replace it on me again!

Ciao ciao for now, fellow Americans! Be sure to keep your pretty little tin-foil hats handy... and please, whatever you do, don't drink the Kool-Aid!


Welcome once again to all my friends from PoliPundit! {Cue broken record:} Thanks, Lorie!

UPDATE 7/13:

Welcome also to all my fellow loyal readers of Ankle Biting Pundits and {Cue another broken record:} Thanks once again, Pat (aka Brainster)!

Thanks for the link:

Banana Oil!

This post was submitted to the following blog features:

Wizbang's Carnival of the Trackbacks XX
Basil's Blog Brunch: 7/16/2005

UPDATE 7/19:

This post is featured in Carnival of the Clueless #6 at Right Wing Nut House!

This post has been certified "classy" by Will Franklin's Carnival of Classiness...!

Thanks for the link:

Fred Fry International
Now That's Ironic

UPDATE 7/21:

This post is featured in Carnival of Comedy 12 at This Blog Is Full of Crap!

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