Glenn Reynolds Copyrights the Word "Indeed," Threatens to Bill Much of Blogosphere Right out of Existence!

Blogger Glenn Reynolds, better known as the Instapundit, announced at a press conference earlier today that he now holds the copyright to the word Indeed, following a prolonged but little reported court battle. The ruling, he claimed, was retroactive to the beginning of time.

"Anyone, anywhere who ever utters, prints, types or otherwise conveys the word Indeed, will need to pay me the sum of $5,000.00 per incident," spoke a grinning Reynolds between sips from a tall, cold glass of cocker spaniel. "Back billings for prior uses of the word Indeed are already being mailed out as we speak, along with various charges for accrued interest, court costs, and other fees incurred. We have started with the bloggers. I would strongly advise against any bloggers out there attempting to alter their blogs to remove any occurrences of the word Indeed from either their front page or their archives. My minions and I already have screen captures of everything any of you have ever published. Attempting to alter your websites will only result in the filing of criminal charges. Muwahahahaha!"

"Within the next few weeks," he continued, "We will get around to reading every book, magazine, newspaper and any other piece of printed material ever written, beginning, naturally, with the Bible. Churches everywhere should start taking up collections now, as we fully intend to bill you since God doesn't have any tangible assets in this plane of existence! From there, we will move on to television, motion pictures, radio broadcasts and the recording industry."

"As for everyone else out there in the general populace, don't think my spies can't hear you if you utter the *magic word* in your private conversations. You didn't actually believe me when I pretended to oppose the Patriot Act, did you? Psych! Muwahahahaha!"

"I would also like to remind you all that copies of my new book are available in the lobby. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I think I see a defenseless hobo across the street. Heh."

It looks like an awful lot of us out here in the blogosphere are in deep doo-doo!

Damn it! I just realized that posting this story cost me $25,000.00!

Quick! Someone alert the Alliance legal defense team! We need to file an appeal on this ruling, ASAP!

In the meantime, for all of you bloggers out there, I suggest we immediately switch to the use of Ind**d in place of the copyrighted word until this ugly business is cleared up! You know he is only going to use that money to finance his sick little penguin porn venture anyway, don't you? I'll be damned if I contribute to the delinquency of any flightless waterfowl! And let's not even discuss his depraved genetic mutation program!

Do you understand now why I joined the Alliance??? THIS MAN MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS! For the love of God - HELP US, before it is too late!!!

Instapundo Delenda Est!

Besides, in the 8 1/2 months that I have been blogging here - not one stinking Insta-lanche! Not one! You'll pay, you puppy swilling bastard! You will pay!!!

(NOTE: This story is nothing more than a filthy lie.)

UPDATE 7/19: It has been mentioned by some well-informed folks both here and elsewhere that the word "trademark" would have been more appropriate than the word "copyright." This fact is duly noted. So, I'm not a lawyer... sue me! No, wait, strike that...

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Thanks for the link!

Brainster's Blog

UPDATE:

Holy cow! Let me extend a great big welcome to all the fine readers of Little Green Footballs! Mr. Johnson, sir, I am truly honored, thank you so much! Hope you all enjoy your visit to my humble little blog.

NOTE: For some more laughs, be sure to check out the LGF thread, esp. the first 160 comments or so!

Thanks be to the Almighty Leader of the Alliance! Welcome IMAO readers! Thank you, Frank J.!

The cavalry has arrived! Thank you to the Alliance and its Filthy Lie Wrangler, GEBIV!

UPDATE 7/19:

Welcome Daily Pundit readers!

This post is featured in Carnival of the Clueless #6 at Right Wing Nut House!

Thanks for the links!

The Jawa Report (The Force is with me!)
Basil's Blog
Thoolou's Lair
Fistful of Fortnights
The Llama Butchers (Hey! A Llama-link! Nothing to spit at!)
45-Caliber Justice
The Jewish View
In Context
WuzzaDem (Oooh! I feel all warm and "fuzza" inside.)
What Attitude Problem?
JasonColeman.com
Stromata Blog
Plastic Turtle
Leslie's Omnibus
NIF (Another NIFty treat!)
Ed Driscoll
CaNN

More Filthy Lies (Thanks for the link!):
Basil's Blog

This post was submitted to Wizbang's Carnival of the Trackbacks XXI.

This post is featured in File It Under's Carnival of Crazy II: Nuttypalooza.

AND STILL NO INSTA-LANCHE!!!