Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage and Spam

Don't you just love e-mail spammers? I think they rank on the evolutionary scale somewhere between dung beetles and algae, personally. I got this e-mail awhile back, which I've been meaning to share with you, because, well... it cracked me up.

You see, when I started posting on blogs I set up a dummy e-mail account with Yahoo under the name "dumpthedonks," which, of course, fit right in with my "Mr. Right" persona. Any mail it receives is either related to blogging, or its spam. So anything telling me about problems with my e-bay or WAMU or Pay-Pal accounts --- fugeddaboutit!

I tend to just flush the bulk mail without even looking at it anymore (who has time to wade through hundreds of these things a day?), but every so often, something gets through the filters, as is the case with this little gem. Who knows, maybe its from a reader? Better look at it. Hilarity ensues. Note the marvelous grammar, spelling and punctuation. I even cleaned up some spacing problems to make it easier to read. (Emphasis is mine)...

Dear Dump Thedonks,

I am Barrister Colvin Winkei, a solicitor at law, personal attorney to Engr J. B. Thedonks, a national Of your country, who used to work as a contractor in Lome Togo. Here in after shall be referred to as my client. On the 30th of April 2004, my client, were involved in a car accident along Kpalime express Road.

All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives. Since then I have made several enquiries here to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts,I decided to search through with his name which motivated me to contact you, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$20.5 million left behind by my client before it gets confisicated or declared unserviceable by the Security Finance Firm (bank) where this huge amount were deposited.

The said Security Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confisicated within the next twenty one official working days Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you.

Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer. I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim. All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction goes through and for more details.

KINDLY GIVE ME A SHORT CALL AFTER GOING THROUGH THIS MAIL. TELEPHONE NUMBER.
xxxxx xxx xx xx.

Marrital status......................
Age....................................
phone number.. ..............
fax number....................
Best regards.

COLIVN WINKEL (ESQ)
ROYAL CHAMBER LOME TOGO
LOME TOGO WEST AFRICA
TELEPHONE NUMBER. xxxxx xxx xx xx.
PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS; colvinesq@xxxxx.de
Call Me +xxx xxx xx xx

Yep. You've unmasked Mr. Right. My real name? Dump. Dump Thedonks. Pleased to meet you. Imagine my devastation at the loss of my dear Uncle J.B.. And don't try to horn in on my good fortune --- the money is mine I tell you, all mine!!!

So why did I bring this up?

THIS IS WHY!!!