Speaking of dropping bombs...President George W. Bush is expected to announce a massive increase in toilet scrubbers, towel holders and arse wipers after a rocket-propelled grenade was shot into the toilets of the U.S. embassy in Athens, sources say.
Mr. Bush told the Nation in his Wednesday address: "Our restroom attendants will have a well-defined mission: to help Grecians clear and secure stalls, to help them protect the local population and to help ensure that the Grecian forces left behind are capable of providing the paper towels that Athens needs."
Congressional Democrats, along with some Republicans, are united against the plan, however, and are threatening to cut off funds to what they call an escalation.
"In ordering more restroom attendants to Greece, the President is ignoring the strong advice of most of his own top generals. General John Abizaid -- until recently, the commanding general in Iraq and Afghanistan -- said, and I quote, 'More American forces prevent the Greeks from doing more, from taking more responsibility for their own future,' end of quote," Senate Minority Whip Richard Durbin said in the Democratic response.
Polls show that 55 per cent of Americans support withdrawing some or all U.S. restroom attendants from Greece, with support for no change in attendant levels or an increase in the number of attendants at just 21 and 17 per cent, respectively.
Local yokel Cletus McCoy supports sending more attendants: "Well, considerin' them Greeks er responsible fer nan-unlehvun, I thank we shud go in an' nuke the whole Balkan peninsula."
Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan paused from between sips of Jamba Juice to rant, "NO WAR! No more children must die for George Bush's illegal war for hummus!"
It is possible that Congress may vote to cut off funds to American peace-keeping efforts in restrooms throughout the Mediterranean, to which White House Press Secretary Tony Snow retorted, "Democrats are pussies," and proceeded to bitch-slap Helen Thomas with his microphone whilst screaming, "That'll teach you to grow old, you hag!"
Major props to my AP Economics teacher, Mr. Cordina, for the idea for this blog post. I gotta give credit where it's due!
Mr. Bush told the Nation in his Wednesday address: "Our restroom attendants will have a well-defined mission: to help Grecians clear and secure stalls, to help them protect the local population and to help ensure that the Grecian forces left behind are capable of providing the paper towels that Athens needs."
Congressional Democrats, along with some Republicans, are united against the plan, however, and are threatening to cut off funds to what they call an escalation.
"In ordering more restroom attendants to Greece, the President is ignoring the strong advice of most of his own top generals. General John Abizaid -- until recently, the commanding general in Iraq and Afghanistan -- said, and I quote, 'More American forces prevent the Greeks from doing more, from taking more responsibility for their own future,' end of quote," Senate Minority Whip Richard Durbin said in the Democratic response.
Polls show that 55 per cent of Americans support withdrawing some or all U.S. restroom attendants from Greece, with support for no change in attendant levels or an increase in the number of attendants at just 21 and 17 per cent, respectively.
Local yokel Cletus McCoy supports sending more attendants: "Well, considerin' them Greeks er responsible fer nan-unlehvun, I thank we shud go in an' nuke the whole Balkan peninsula."
Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan paused from between sips of Jamba Juice to rant, "NO WAR! No more children must die for George Bush's illegal war for hummus!"
It is possible that Congress may vote to cut off funds to American peace-keeping efforts in restrooms throughout the Mediterranean, to which White House Press Secretary Tony Snow retorted, "Democrats are pussies," and proceeded to bitch-slap Helen Thomas with his microphone whilst screaming, "That'll teach you to grow old, you hag!"
Major props to my AP Economics teacher, Mr. Cordina, for the idea for this blog post. I gotta give credit where it's due!
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