"We demand the war criminal Bushitler withdraw all U.S. troops from everywhere throughout the United States of America immediately and turn his self [sic] in to the United Nations to stand trial for conspiring with the Jews to murder my son! We will no longer tolerate his stormtroopers here on our home soil!"
Her cries were quickly embraced by the others in her movement, as an angry crowd of foul-smelling hippies, eyes bloodshot and pupils fully dilated, later showed up at the Pentagon in Arlington, VA, demanding that the U.S. Military surrender the building. "This is our country, we don't want you here!!!" Yelled Violet Lee Hill, a 26-year-old Graduate Student in Wymyn's Studies at the University of Wisconsin, "You have no right to be here! We are sick and tired of this oppressive occupation, and we aren't going to stand for it any longer! And bring us some more Cheetos, damnit!"
An indignant Rep. John Conyers (D-MI), seizing the moment, immediately took to the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives:
"Clearly, America is the biggest quagmire in U.S. history! American troops have occupied it since 1775, and they are still there today! How much longer will this exercise in futility continue? What is our exit strategy? When will the troops be going home? How many untold billions of dollars have we spent on this 230 year fiasco, and where has it gotten us? How many of our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines have died on U.S. soil? Some estimates I have read place it in the millions - the millions - with hundreds of thousands of them killed in combat in tiny, insignificant places with names like Lexington and Concord, Gettysburg and Pearl Harbor!
I ask you, Mr. President, how much is enough? How many more of our sons and daughters must we lose to this insanity? How can you possibly continue to justify their presence in a land where they are unwanted and serve no useful purpose, when their very presence there is brazenly illegal to begin with? I have had my staff working day and night, researching the matter, and they can find no record of Congress ever approving of this deployment and no record of the matter ever even being discussed before the United Nations Security Council! The time has come to put an end to this! It is plainly obvious that the people of the United States do not want us there! The American occupation of the United States must end and end right now and the President must be impeached for undermining the very essence of the Constitution by illegally deploying our troops there in the first place!"
Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) added:
"Take a good look around you. It doesn't take a genius to see that we are surrounded by the American Military! Wake up, America! They have set up camps and bases in every state in this country, from Maine to Mexico... from Bermuda to West Dakota, and they are armed to the teeth with tanks and guns and warships and planes and even nuclear - yes I said nuclear - missiles! Did you ever stop and ask yourself why that is? The answer is plain as day, George W. Bush has us all under siege! He is using our own sons and daughters to keep his sorry ass in power, and we ain't gonna stand for it any longer! The time has come to rise up and demand our freedom from the tyranny of American Imperialism, if not for our own sakes, than for the sake of our children! George W. Bush has gone too far and he must be stopped! Mr. President, withdraw your troops from all of America, and do it right now!"
Ward Churchill, Professor at the University of Colorado and self-proclaimed Native American, issued a strongly-worded statement expressing support for Ms. Sheehan's sentiments:
"I am moved by the words of my pale-faced soul-sister, the one whom I call 'She-Who-Howls-at-Smirking-Chimp.' Long have my people suffered at the hands of the White Devil! We who rightfully own this land demand that all of you treacherous, conniving little Non-Native American Eichmanns, every last filthy one of you stained in the blood of our innocent forefathers, withdraw from North, Central and South America and the Islands of the Caribbean immediately, military and civilian alike! I am excluding myself, of course, because I really am a Native American - no really, I am and you can't prove otherwise no matter what proof you think you have, including those Native Americans who say I am not one of them, because I am - so there! And never mind that I once admitted that I wasn't, because I was lying when I said that - it was the evil white-man part of me speaking with forked-tongue!"
Famous Hollywood anti-war activists Jane Fonda and Martin Sheen later vowed to stand with Ward Churchill and "his people" in driving the Americans out of their homeland. Ms. Fonda even offered to be photographed on a vegetable-powered anti-aircraft gun shooting at American jets, if one was made available. MoveOn.org founder George Soros quickly offered to pay for such a weapon, if former Vice-President and Internet creator Al Gore would take the initiative to invent it.
A spokesperson for Mr. Gore said the former Senator from Tennessee and Vice President of the United States was too busy to comment at this time, as he is currently researching how President George W. Bush has managed to cause global warming not only here on Earth, but also on Mars.
Meanwhile, world renowned propagandist Michael Moore posted this press release on his website:
"We are a nation under siege by our own oppressive Imperialist government and we must endeavor to drive ourselves from our own land - for if we do not, who will? Who among you would dare to deny that it was the Americans who conquered America? And deep down inside, we all know the real reason why Bushco continues to occupy America with his troops, and it is all about oil! He has a secret pact with the big oil companies to develop oil fields in Alaska, the Gulf of Mexico and off the coast of California, and I have the proof! Bush is lying when he tells people that the American Armed Forces are here to protect and serve the people! They are nothing but a bunch of jackbooted thugs who were sent here for the sole purpose of raping the land and stealing our oil!
Before Shrub stole the last two elections, America was a peaceful land of hope and frivolity, where little children flew their kites and life was beautiful. Since then, every single day in our beloved country, thousands of people die, and this is a fact that even the Bush Administration dare not deny! Their blood is on his hands! How long is he going to continue to sit there on his lazy ass reading 'My Pet Goat' to gullible young school children while our people, our environment and thousands of innocent caribou are under assault by our most dangerous enemies, the American oil cartel and the U.S. Military? The world cannot afford to wait another three years for the end of the Evil Bush Regime - it must be ended now!
I am presently in the process of putting the final touches on a film, produced in conjunction with the good folks at Hezbollah and al-Jazeera, which will shake the very foundations of this country to its core and bring the much-hated Bush Regime to its knees, America the Pitiful: Oil's Well that Ends Wells! Once they see this film, I guarantee you that the American people will be rioting in the streets, demanding Bush's resignation, an end to the occupation of America, and the immediate cessation of all business activities by every oil company in America and throughout the world! Tell your friends and neighbors that they all MUST see this movie! [Advance tickets are now on sale at MichaelMoore.com]"
THUS ENDETH THIS WEEK'S DABBLING IN THE ART OF SATIRE
I hope that you have enjoyed this post. Please take a moment out of your busy day and give whatever you can to the relief efforts for Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Rita, which have so devastated the American Gulf Coast region. You'll feel good about yourself and you'll know that you did something to help those who really need it. God bless you.
The American Red Cross
The Salvation Army
More Charities Listed Here
If you've enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy...
More Political Satire:
• New Orleans Rhapsody
• Cindy Sheehan Files Suit Against God; President Bush, Israel Named as "Co-Conspirators"
• The U.S. Constitution - A Liberal Interpretation
• George W. Bush and the Holy Grail
• The 9/11 Commission, Part 2 - Electric Boogaloo
• Democrats Give up on Winning, Push for More "Spectacular" Losses
• We Now Join the "Save Air America Radio" Telethon, Already in Progress...
• Top Secret Democrat Party Strategy Meeting - Exposed!
• The Far-Left's Favorite Soap Opera: Get Bush!
• You Just Might Be a Moonbat...
• Selections from the "Donktionary"
• The Moonbat Song
The Hill-Orgy of Errors:
• Hillary Clinton's Secret Love Affair Exposed!
• Bigfoot Takes His Own Life!
• The Right Place Stands By Its Story!
And a Filthy Lie:
• Glenn Reynolds Copyrights the Word "Indeed," Threatens to Bill Much of Blogosphere Right out of Existence!
Or feel free to check out our Main Page or our latest Photo Caption Contest. Thank you for visiting The Right Place!
Thanks for the links!
Betsy Newmark at Betsy's Page
SondraK at Knowledge Is Power
Dr. Rusty Shackleford at The Jawa Report
Bill Crawford at All Things Conservative
Pat Curley at Brainster's Blog
[Pat has a picture that just goes to prove you can no longer go too far in trying to parody the left!]
Bruce the Human Pet at The Conservative Cat
Linda SoG at Something... and Half of Something
Delftsman3 at Delftsman
This post is featured in:
Carnival of Satire #2 at the skwib
Carnival of Comedy XXII at Steve the Pirate
Carnival of the Clueless #15 at Right Wing Nut House
[This great carnival has now moved to Fridays - new (clue)bat time, same (clue)bat channel!]
Carnival of the Vanities #158 at This Blog Is Full of Crap!
Carnival of the Vanities #158 at The Conservative Cat
(EZ Reader Edition)
[Laurence Simon & Ferdy the Conservative Cat deserve some sort of blogosphere medal for rescuing this week's lost carnival from the hands of someone who mangled it so badly, I refuse to recognize it with a link! Visit Lair's or Ferdy's versions instead, and be sure to thank them - they did an awesome job of saving this event!]
Hooray! Carnival of Crazy #7 is ready at File It Under...