Let us examine now, in depth, the Great Moonbat Meltdown of 2004 in the wake of the election:
1) "BUSH JUST MAKES ME SICK!"
The victimization culture that the far left just seems to feed off, continues.
I would venture to guess that pretty much anyone reading this has faced big disappointments at times in their lives. Sometimes profound disappointments. Sometimes related to elections, even Presidential elections (for me, it was Clinton winning in 1992 & 1996). Yet, how many of us were so distraught over these disappointments we became unable to function, to the point where we needed professional therapy to get over it?
Enter the Moonbats!
Really now, what is a victim nowadays without some sort of concocted medical condition to blame it all on? Voila! Introducing "P.E.S.T." or Post-Election Selection Trauma! And now, we have miraculous recovery stories to marvel over as the gullible and insecure scream out, "Me, too!" "I must be afflicted, also!" "Will my HMO cover this?" "Can I get paid leave from work until I am fully recovered?" "Who can I sue?" "Where is my attorney's phone number?"
People, not to be cold here, but come on, already! It's an election. Your guy lost. There will be another election in four years. In the meantime, believe me, America WILL survive! And so will you, if you let yourself! Buck it up!
Do you really want to end up having a meltdown over an election like Hollywood prima donna Vincent D'Onfrio of "Law & Order: Criminal Intent", "Men In Black" and "Full Metal Jacket" fame? To quote Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?" [WARNING - RAW LANGUAGE ALERT!]
2) "EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR BUSH IS AN IMBECILE! SO THERE!"
Whooo, boy! The venom that is being spit out all over the good people of the Red States and everyone else who wasn't "intelligent" enough to vote for John Kerry is vile, potent and in plentiful supply!
We should have seen this one coming! After all, some lovely Democrats in Tennessee produced that wonderfully sensitive flyer in the weeks before the election to let us all know that:
"Voting for Bush Is Like Running In The Special Olympics - Even If You Win, You're Still Retarded!"
Columnist Jane Smiley wants all of the Kerry supporters out there to understand the true extent of the ignorance of Bush voters.
The British publication "The Daily Mirror" wanted to know how so many Americans could be "so DUMB" as to re-elect Mr. Bush.
Graphic designer Nick Jehlen of Madison, Wisconsin has launched a new website to let all you rednecks down in Dixieland know just what he thinks of y'all! Be sure to send him a "howdy" so he knows what you think of him, too! [WARNING - RAW LANGUAGE ALERT!]
Some guy named Tim Price posted a screed on a site called The Chattanoogan.com to let all us Bushies know that "America has lost this election" and we are "lukewarm fascists" who were bribed and duped by the "imbecile" we elected.
And then there are these wonderful examples of America's best and brightest, marching through the streets of San Francisco, pouting in the aftermath of the election. Their mothers should be SO proud! [WARNING - RAW LANGUAGE ALERT!]
Now, you too can apologize to the whole wide world for the ignorance of so many of your fellow Americans, thanks to the self-loathing apologists at sorryeverybody.com. Quick, someone let me know if my voting for Bush makes me guilty of crimes against humanity!
If you'd like, you can make up your own "Moonbat Rant" with help from Sean Gleeson's "Autorantic Virtual Moonbat."
3) "BUSH STOLE THE ELECTION!"
It seems there are quite a few folks out there among the tin-foil head-gear crowd who are actually pushing this notion. The loony-left message boards are abuzz with whispers and moans about how machines were tampered with, voters were disenfranchised, etc. The crux of their arguments tend to revolve around the notion that if the exit polls said Kerry should have won, then they just simply could not have been wrong! Oh, dear God! I'll let you take that one at face value. Then, if you believe in this theory, please contact me. I have some farmland in the Florida Everglades I'd just love to talk to you about!
The problem here is that a so-called "journalist", namely ex-ESPN smarmy sports-guy and current MSNBC "Kool-Aid" drinker Keith Olbermann, is actually pushing this story, merit or no merit! Gee, Keith, do you think you ought to give up on this angle yet? Or does it not strike you as odd that such bastions of Conservative opinion as ABC News, The New York Times and the head of the Kerry campaign's legal team are among those who are now debunking this load of crap?
Pssst! Hey, Keith. I think the tin-foil layer beneath your toupé may be a tad tight there, buddy. You might want to have the little grey men check it for you when they beam you up for your nightly anal probe!
Ah, but Mr. Olbermann is not alone! Lefty writer and fellow tin-foil hatter Greg Palast has joined the chorus of idiots. And the George Soros backed anti-Bush group MoveOn.org wants to launch a Congressional investigation!
Heck, we now have the failed Presidential candidates from the Green and Libertarian parties asking for Ohio recounts, for crying out loud! Let me clue you in fellows, you didn't even come CLOSE to winning Ohio... OR ANY OTHER STATE!!! It couldn't be that they are doing super-secret undercover work for the Democrats by doing this, could it? Giving the Kerry camp plausible deniability and filtering them from any backlash over an ugly recount mess by fronting for them? Nyah! Not a chance!
But, then again, one has to wonder what the heck Ralph Nader is doing going after a recount in New Hampshire, where Kerry beat Bush by about 1%, or just over 9,000 votes! Nader seems to think Kerry should have won by more!
This sort of paranoid conspiracy rhetoric can, quite frankly, be very dangerous if not nipped in the bud quickly! It is time for those who did not support the President's re-election to gracefully accept defeat and, as their favorite 527's name suggests, MoveOn!
4) "I'M LEAVING AND I'M NEVER COMING BACK!"
So, you say you no longer feel welcome in your homeland? Too conservative, backward and stupid for the likes of you? Maybe you can flee to some beautiful Socialist Utopia!
How about our nearest and dearest neighbor to the North, Canada, eh? Word has it this is a popular choice among the disaffected American Moonbat population, so be prepared to wait in line.
Or maybe you'd prefer to look into more options?
Buh-bye, now! Don't let the border hit you on the a** on the way out!
5) "THE TIME HAS COME FOR SECESSION AND CIVIL WAR!"
It is hard to take these people seriously, and most are likely just blowing off steam, but you get the feeling there are some who would like to see this secession thing through, including MSNBC analyst Lawrence "You Creepy Lying Liar" O'Donnell, so let's take a moment to address the issue, shall we?
We now know who John Edwards was talking to, and about, when he came up with that whole "Two Americas" thing. It seems many of the Liberals in the Blue States want to secede from those they consider to be brain-dead, homophobic, bible-thumping, rednecked hicks in the Red States. Oh, that ought to teach 'em! The Blue States have all the brains and culture, the finest higher education institutions, all of the premier artists and intellectuals, the lion's share of business savvy and money, they tell us. Okay...
Have you ever stopped to consider little things like the country's food supply, energy and raw materials. Most of THAT comes from the Red States, geniuses! You know... that big, useless red clump of "fly-over" country in the middle of the damned map! Tell me, just how exactly would California get much of its fresh water or its power without Hoover Dam? Or are the Red State "in-breds" of Arizona and Nevada just supposed to keep it all flowing for you after La-La Land jumps off the map and leaves them in the lurch? Fat chance! You think it's expensive NOW?
And get this straight, losers: Illinois will secede from the Union OVER MY DEAD BODY! I'm pretty certain, however, that such a sacrifice will never be necessary. In fact, I'm absolutely certain. Here's why: The vast majority of the people of the State of Illinois, a "Midwestern values" kind of place, if ever there was one, would never go along with your plans - including many of those who may have, for whatever misguided reason, voted for John Kerry and/or Al Gore in the last two elections! Trust me, I know these people. I've lived with them all of my life! Same goes for Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan and Pennsylvania, "Big Ten" states all! Kerry won all of those by bare majorities in this last election. Make the topic secession, and how many votes do you think you'll get? You WERE planning on letting us VOTE before you dragged us all with you, weren't you??? Or maybe not, since you think it's all a big fix anyway! (Come to think of it, why didn't Karl Rove manage to steal all of THESE states while he was at it?)
Or maybe you were thinking Civil War II instead? It ain't going to happen, people! Are you telling me the "No blood for oil"/"Not in my name"/"Peace at any price"/"Bush lied, kids died" crowd is going to start an ARMED REBELLION??? Against the gun-loving, card carrying members of the NRA and "leathernecks" and "jarheads" in the "America, love it or leave it" Red States and rural areas of their own Blue States? How many of these aging hippies even own a handgun, much less a shotgun, rifle or semi-automatic? How many of them have ever even been in a fist-fight for crying out loud? Honestly, who would you bet your money on? Or more importantly, your life?
It's simple: the VAST majority of Americans want to go on being Americans. In Red States AND in Blue States! You might garner limited support for your hair-brained scheme to split this country apart from some small pockets of left-wing lunatics in certain Ultra-Liberal metro areas, like the San Francisco Bay area, Los Angeles, Seattle, Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore and D.C. or some collegiate communities like Madison or Berkeley, but it'll never fly!
Have you ever even looked at this county-by-county election map? Most of the Blue States are not exactly a solid blue! I would dare to say not a single state in this Union would secede if it were put to a vote, even if only a simple bare majority were needed to approve such a thing! Get over yourselves!
6) "RISE UP, ALL YE MOONBATS! TO ARMS! TO ARMS!"
Okay, from here on out, this article is no longer meant to be funny. To demonstrate to you that some of these loons are truly dangerous, I present some shameful examples of violence and reprehensible behavior.
First, please take a look at some of the goings-on in the run-up to the election. If you are unaware of the rash of violence that preceded this election, I suggest you look at the list compiled by Daniel Hyams at his blog, NoTinfoil Hats Allowed. It is really quite disturbing!
And don't think it ends there! Since the election we have more reports of vandalism at GOP offices in North Carolina and Chicago, a Colorado teacher who kicked a student for wearing a College Republicans sweatshirt and an assault with a bat on a Bush supporter by three angry Kerry supporters at a Minnesota high school.
And there are others out there who are just looking for trouble! Check out this nutball, courtesy of SondraK.com. Can you imagine some idiot placing a classified ad for a Bush supporter he can beat up?
And from the real lunatic fringe, comes this thread on the Bill Maher discussion board asking the "rhetorical" question: "Shooting Republicans ethical? Discuss." Our threadmaster, calling himself "moulty," even fantasizes about a bomb going off during Bush's victory speech after the election, wiping out everyone on the stage, as well as Mary Matalin, then wishes for a truck to run over Karen Hughes! Be warned, many of the idiots replying on this thread are just as bad, or worse! I can't help but wonder if the FBI or Secret Service would care to pay any of these folks a little visit? [WARNING - RAW LANGUAGE ALERT!]
Finally, and perhaps most disturbingly of all, the New York Times' Dean E. Murphy recently published a column that seems to be asking God to kill President Bush! And they call us religious whackos!
When will this madness stop? Will the left continue to be consumed by their hatred and loathing until real tragedy strikes? Or maybe just until they get trounced even worse in future elections? Perhaps they will finally grow the f**k up and stop throwing childish temper tantrums, hurling insults, making ludicrous accusations and idiotic suggestions and, most importantly, threatening and intimidating people! Time will tell... but I'm not holding my breath!
Hat tips all around: Everyone at (in alphabetical order) Ace of Spades, Barking Moonbat Early Warning System, The Cool Blue Blog, Dean's World, Free Republic, Hog on Ice, Instapundit, Little Green Footballs, No Tin Foil Hats Allowed, PoliPundit, Power Line, Pull on Superman's Cape, Red State, Sean Gleeson, Sondra K.com and The Volokh Conspiracy.