Sunday, December 31, 2006

Merry New Year!

Billy Ray: Merry New Year!
Beeks: That's "happy." In this country we say "Happy New Year."
Billy Ray: Oh, ho, ho, thank you for correcting my English which stinks!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Christmas MSNBC Entertainment Nugget

So Joe reporter is in Palestine doing his reporting thing. People have been killing each other and he's all serious. The Blonde at the newsdesk waits for him to finish his report and asks*, "So, apart from a cessation of violence, what could help boost tourism?"

The reporter was speechless. I nearly fell out of my chair.

But I started thinking about it, perhaps "a cessation of violence" from Hammas/Fatah/Insert Terrorist Group Here is too lofty a goal? Terrorism and Tourism are remarkably similarly spelled. Why, both words begin with "T" and end in "rism". Both have consonants and vowels in there. Perhaps the Demorats have a point, after all Tourism isn't bad. Perhaps Terrorism isn't so bad either. What are some other things that could stimulate tourism to the middle east?

  • A Popcorn Stand on each streetcorner dispensing free buckets
  • Free Fudge (Terrorist Fudge)
  • Terrorist Bobblehead Dolls (collect 'em all!)
  • Free Skinless (pork free) Hotdogs for each IED detonated
  • A panel of judges scoring each "hit" 2-10
The possibilities are endless... Personally I'd like to see a Disney themed park with giant terrorists and martyrs dressed up like Goofy or Mickey or better yet, Mayor McCheese!. They could have a daily parade. If the Pirates of the Carribean can have one why not Hammas?

* I am not making this up

Saturday, December 23, 2006

The Christmas Wreath: Holiday Decoration, or Abusive Substance?

Meet the new face of terror.
With just one shopping day left before the Fat Man visits all the world's chillens, there is a new problem facing the Nation's youth: Christmas wreaths.

Known on the street as "yule crack," "St. Nick's hits" and "E" (for evergreen), children as young as six months appear to be "getting off" on the festive fumes.

"I just can't get enough of the stuff," said Billy Johnson, age 13. "It just smells so good. It's, like, addictive, or something!"

"Oh, yeah. I use the stuff all the time around the holidays. Before breakfast, after school... But not during school. They don't allow Christmas wreaths," admits Holly Webster, age 17.

"MMM! Cookies!" concluded Suzy Collins, age 2.

But children and teens aren't the only ones affected. Older Americans are also finding themselves on the tinsel train to wreath whoredom.

"I admit that I like to take the occasional whiff of wreath, but I can quit any time I want," declared Agatha Pederson, age 76. "Just give me another hit! I NEED SOME GOD DAMNED WREATH!"

Some addicts have begun to carry small amounts of wreath with them, concealed in rolled-up papers called "wreathers." Blue Öyster Cult has yet to write a song about the subject.

Since this is a recent phenomenon, it is unknown what the long-term effects of extended wreath abuse entail, but users have shown an increase in carolling, holiday cheer and chronic diarrhoea.

John P. Walters, Director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, has launched an investigation into the possible impact excessive nasal consumption of Christmas wreath, as well as into prolonged exposure to menorah and kinara candle light and the recent increase of tongue-stickings to Festivus poles.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

A rare serious post

From Stew? Tell me it ain't happening.

I read today of a disturbing news event. The Palestinian Prime Minister was stopped trying to enter Gaza with $35 million dollars in cash. Israel shut down the terminal to deny entry for the Palestinian PM.

Reports said Mr Haniyeh, from the Hamas movement, was carrying $35m (€26.5m, £17.8m) in cash, believed to be part of the $350m he raised during a regional tour that took in Iran, Syria and Qatar. He was later allowed entry, but without the cash.

Now what would he be doing with all that cash?
  1. Taking a "cash bath"
  2. Collecting baseball cards rivaling that of Saddam
  3. Perhaps McDonalds opened a branch and he's trying to feed the hungry?
  5. Buying weapons for terrorists
For what use could it be? Probably be hamburgers.

Understandably members of Hamas, trying to protect the integrity of the hamburgers, decided to storm the terminal and act like terrorists.

Said, Mushir al-Masri, a Hamas legislator, the closure “could lead the region to an explosion and the Zionist enemy and its allies will bear the responsibility for the consequences”.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Another Reason To Not Raise Minimum Wage

Not only that, but this article is also another reason why Conservatives should not be worried about the 2008 elections.

The key thought about minimum wage, as well as other "ways the democrats help the lower class," Believe I say, not what I do.
You can't claim that education is your No. 1 priority while pandering to teachers unions. Nor can you fight against international trade when the evidence is clear that it creates wealth and profoundly improves the lives of people in poor countries.

(And, in the short term, trade makes possible all those cheap goods at Wal-Mart that stretch the paychecks of the people the party is supposed to represent.)

Raising the minimum wage? Yes, it will make a lot of people better off -- and it will speed up the process of outsourcing and automation, which will make a lot of other people worse off. Raising the minimum wage is not an economic plan for making the nation more productive; at best, it's a transfer of wealth, and not even the most efficient way of doing that.
But no! We HAVE to raise the minimum wage to $7.50! We have to increase our minimum wages by 45%, while other countries are lowering their wages. That doesn't look like an incentive to outsource at all, does it?

Raising the Minimum wage; A short term political gain, leading to long term Economic failure.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

China Tells Citizens To Beware of Pollution

Beijing's Air is becoming hazardous to your health. Read it:
Beijing residents have been warned to stay indoors as the city's pollution index hit its highest level amid the worst conditions since coal-fired power plants kicked into gear for winter.
Every monitoring station in Beijing's urban districts recorded levels of particulates seven times higher than the safety standard, the Beijing environmental protection bureau said.
Sulfur dioxide and carbon monoxide levels, emitted by coal furnaces and cars, were also several times over standards, it said.

"The city environmental protection bureau is alerting citizens to reduce outside activities under such conditions. Frail people or those sensitive to pollution should take measures to protect themselves," it said.
The pollution levels were the worst in the capital since the winter heating season began in early November, when the city fired up its nearly 6,000 coal-fired furnaces, it said.

I thought Al Gore said that Global warming was America's fault for not signing the Kyoto Protocol...

Monday, December 11, 2006

Domination Through Force?

"[Annan] will accuse the administration of trying to secure the United States from terrorism in part by dominating other nations through force, committing what he termed human rights abuses and taking military action without broad international support." - USA Today

Is it wrong that we used force against a group who only understands forceful tactics? The picture may be for hastage-takers, but it's the same for terrorists and violent dictators as well.

I have one thing to say to Annan. You're right Kofi...nobody agreed with us when we invaded Iraq (except the 48 countries who joined). We were wrong, and your peace loving ideal world was right. Now don't let the door hit your ass when you leave.

H/T: Michelle Malkin, and Oleg Volk for the image.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Twas The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Non-specific Holiday celebrated in a politically correct manner and all through the Senate and House,
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse small furry creature with a long tail commonly referred to as the house mouse, one of 38 subspecies of the genus Mus or Mus musculus (Mouse).

Libbo's hopes hung high on rumors that peace in Iraq would magically appear based on nothing but AP articles and that pacifist Iranian leader's street creds,
And the lefties were pacing with visions of impeachment, tax hikes and all of America cowering to terrorists dancing in their heads.

And Teddy the drunk, passed out asleep in his trunk, dreamt of getting off scott free for murder again before the ensuing opening Congressional keynote. But I digress...,

Out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I ran to the window to see what was the matter, for I thought it was Pelosi or Murtha but the man was fatter.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver so wacked out and mean,
I knew in a moment it must be Howard Dean.

So down through the chimney Dean came with a thud.
He was dressed like a politician and looked like a dud.

His clothes were all covered in ashes and soot,
A bundle of the conservative supporters toys on his back he had flung, and he redistributed the wealth starting with the Non-specific Holiday celebrated in a politically correct manner, loot.

His eyes how they twinkled his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses his nose like a cherry (he had obviously been drinking heavily with a Kennedy. Take your pick.).

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the drizzle on his chin was as white as the snow.

Hillary was there too, he she had a broad face and round little belly,
That shook when he she laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

But soon Deany's team gave a whistle
and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight
Happy Democratic House and Senate led Non-specific Holiday celebrated in a politically correct manner to all and to all a redistributed wealth, impeachment for Bush and socially and politically acceptable (as long as you're not a conservative) Good Night!


Thursday, December 07, 2006

I'll Bet They Are!

This Reuters headline kind of says it all:

European Socialists eager to work with U.S. Democrats

OPORTO, Portugal (Reuters) - European Socialists promised on Thursday to work to rebuild Europe's strategic alliance with the United States now that the Democrats control Congress after last month's elections.

Socialist leaders attending a meeting of the European Socialist Party pledged that with the Democrats on the rise, strong ties could be renewed with the United States after years of cool relations with Republican George W. Bush.

Howard Dean, chairman of the national committee of the U.S. Democratic Party, is attending the two-day conference together with the leaders of leftist governments of several countries and party leaders from across Europe.

Can't you just feel the surge of excitement and anticipation? The writer at Reuters saved the best for last.

Socrates said Dean's Democrats "should know that they can count on European Socialists" for support.

Puzzling. The Democrats have the support of European Socialists? I can't imagine why that would be the case? On the other hand, haven't they been receiving that support all along?

Isn't there an old joke about socialists, that a socialist is just a Marxist without the homicidal streak.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Jimmah Cahtah

Jimmy Carter the doddering old fool that he is, wrote a book "that Ah didn't wahnt ta write" but "felt it wahs necessary because of the silence ahbout the Palestine/Israel situation.

Basically his premise is that leaders from Israel and Palestine should sit down and "work out their differences".

Afterwards pigs will fly.

These pigs will be loaded with explosives and crash into high rise apartment buildings filled with Joos.

An interview with Achmed Fuq-alsheektard revealed:

Jimmee Carter shows us that even though the hated American Jews will continue to inhabit our rightful lands, there is hope that we, the freedom fighters of Hizbu'llah, can, with Allah's help - find a way to kill more Jews. The hated evil (death to) America(n) people have plenty of riches. Which we will take. And though the infidel doesn't mind eating the flesh of the most unclean animal, we, the freedom fighters of Hizbu'llah can use this unclean animal to attack the Jews in their homes.

Scientists in France assisted members of the Palestine delegation of Pig bombers to inflate the bladders and stomach of the common barnyard pig with a superlight gaseous substance which allows the pigs to achieve a lighter than air state.

Jimmah Carter had no comments on the Pig bombers plans for Jewish destruction and instead chose to stick his head back into his anus. Saying "Ah just feels more comfortable with my head in yonder".

Man, I'm proud to be a Georgia native.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Team GOP's Identity Theft

The group Team GOP has had their name stolen, by Memphis Democrats. Democrats Ophelia Ford and Reginald Tate both recieved $1,000 donations from "Team GOP." John Harvey has three possible theories:

1) The state goofed
2) Ford and Tate's people goofed
or 3) ...something that isn't exactly legal.

Team GOP leader Jeff Ward is denying (with good reason) that Team GOP would donate money to Democrats, let alone Dems as corrupt as the Ford family.

This isn't the only case of Memphis voting irregularities that John has found. On his site, Voting in Memphis, he also discovered that out of the 200,000 oldest people who voted in Shelby County, 7,000 of them are dead. That does not include the number of people who have birthdays in the 1800's or who's birthday is 01/01/01. Harvey also finds that 5,600 voters are registered in multiple places in the state.

The Memphis Ford Machine may have just had their hand caught in the cookie jar.

Also looking at the contributions to Ophelia, look who's names are on the list:
Harold Ford Sr.
Harold Ford Jr. - And here I thought Ford Jr was trying to AVOID being associated with the Corrupt Fords. He gave $1,000, and Ophelia was also the ONLY candidate Ford Jr. donated directly to in Shelby County.

Cross Posted at GOP and College

Monday, December 04, 2006

Truthers Distort Another Tape

Truther's have tried to pull yet another fast "absolute" conclusion without actually analyzing the video to see if their claims are correct. Their claim:

"You can't see a plane, so it had to be a government cover up."

One thing is missing from that statement. You can't see The Pentagon either. I-395 completely blocks the view of the Pentagon from the hotel.

"So what?" you might say, "What's your point?"

I'll explain.

The height of the Pentagon is 77 feet 3.5 inches the entire way around it's perimeter, in all rings. The tail height of a Boeing 757 (while resting on the ground with landing gear down) is 44 feet 6 inches. The pentagon is 32 feet 8 1/2 inches taller than a standing 757, not to mention the fact that the 757 which hit The Pentagon had hit the ground. So the fact that you cannot see The Pentagon means that you will not be able to see a plane either.

If you'll look at this graphic, you can see the camera's view angle in relation to the flight path which 77 took.

By the time the plane had gotten into the field of view of the camera at the hotel, it was already low enough to have clipped/severed the poles on Washington Blvd. Also, note that Washington Boulevard dips BELOW Interstate 395, meaning that Flight 77 could have been even further below the field of view.

Cross posted at GOP and College

Friday, December 01, 2006

An Al Gore Fantasy

Mexican leftists fought tooth and nail - literally - to prevent Felipe Calderon from assuming the presidency after a close election this summer.

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Felipe Calderon took power as Mexico's president on Friday in a chaotic ceremony rattled by fist fights in Congress and jeering protests from leftists who claim he stole a July election that sparked months of political unrest.

They claim, but they have no evidence. Just like Florida. And Ohio.

Surrounded by bodyguards, the conservative Calderon slipped into Congress through a back door, quickly declared the oath of office and put on the presidential sash as left-wingers who had vowed to stop him taking office screamed "Get out! Get out!"

He was then rushed out again. The lightning-fast ceremony lasted just four minutes, including the singing of the national anthem, and Calderon was unable to make his inaugural speech.


Dozens of rival deputies earlier threw punches and chairs at each other and leftists built barricades to block the main doors and try to prevent Calderon from entering the building.

Although Calderon's security team outwitted his opponents in Congress, the brawls underlined Mexico's deep political divide and cast doubt on how successful Calderon can be in ending the unrest that followed his razor-thin election victory.

Although his ultimate concession speech was conciliatory, a fact that probably spared us such infantile theatrics here in the States, the left wing in this country since 2000 has worked overtime, with the aid of a sympathetic press, to prevent President Bush from governing. The only thing that put a halt to the efforts, briefly, was 9/11. They haven't acted like the Mexican spoiled children described above, but their behavior at times hasn't been far from it. Witness Cindy Sheehan, for example.

I think they'll lose it completely, just like their brethren to the south, if the next president isn't named Obama or Clinton.

Captions Outrageous! Winners [Squawk Box Edition]

Attendance was a bit low this week, but there were still some solid entries in this week's Caption Contest.

As a reminder, here is this week's picture:

GOP and College says: "Hey, you wanna play with my little one?"

And now, let's take a look at our winners.

-- "Oh, goody! With the Democrats in power I can partial-birth abort my chick!" – Damien G.

-- "Hate To Complain But The Night Light's Burnt Out." – Radio Free Fred

-- I told you, son, I wasn't in the movie Happy Feet. – Carl

#10 "You Could Use A Global Worming." – Radio Free Fred

#9 Dad...tell me the story of Steve Irwin again. – Carl

#8 "Is that an offspring or are your feet happy to see me?" – McGehee

#7 "Why can't we have Hamburger Helper like Billy's family?"
"You'll eat regurgitated fish and like it, young man!" – Pam

#6 Bill Clinton unveils his special "Intern" Halloween costume. – Stew

#5 While you're down there, change the oil and rotate the tires. – walrus

#4 Sorry son, Nancy Pelosi took the last fish, said it was our "Contribution". – walrus

#3 "Have You Ever Considered Cental Air?" – Radio Free Fred

#2 "There's Enough Yeast Down Here To Start A Bakery." – Radio Free Fred

And the winning entry:

"Say goodnight, Dick." – Rodney Dill

Previous Winners:

#1 - Dissenting Opinion Edition
#2 - White Raspbeary Edition
#3 - Totally Busted Edition
#4 - Havana Good Time, Glad You're Not Here Edition
#5 - Right Hand to God Edition
#6 - Some Assembly Required Edition
#7 - Mad Hatter Edition
#8 - Chain of Fools Edition
#9 - Beyond Her Grasp Edition
#10 - Make Love, Not Jihad Edition
#11 - Are You There God? It's Me, Hugo Edition
#12 - Wake Up and Smell the Kofi Edition
#13 - I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire Edition
#14 - The Scion, the Witch and the Saprobe Edition
#14 1/2 - The Big Pigture Edition
#14 3/4 - Laid Back Edition
#14 4/5 - Pop A Squat Edition
#14 5/6 - That Ain't Right Edition
#14 6/7 - I'm So Beat Edition