The Right Place: Captions Outrageous! Winners [Are You There God? It's Me, Hugo Edition]

Announcing the winners of the 11th Right Place Photo Caption Contest of Season Two!

Thank you to one and all who participated!

Presenting the top 40 captions for this picture from AFP/File/Tim Clary via Yahoo! (And several excellent bonuses!)

HONORABLE MENTION:

-- "Ohhh, please, please, please, please make my pee-pee bigger! Oh, please, please, please, please!"

benning

-- Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez participates in a demonstration at the U.N. Petty Tyrants Tantric Yoga Club.

burke

-- "Oh, please, let my listeners here be as gullible as they are at home!"

Colonel Steve

-- "Don't let the Americans drill for oil in Alaska or in the Gulf of Mexico. I need all the oil revenue I can get."

-- "And for Christmas, I want some missiles from North Korea and nukes from Iran..."

-- "And finally, Lord, let the next Secretary General of the U.N. be as easy on us as Kofi. Maybe Bill Clinton would take the job?"

Doc

-- "Thank you, Lord, for giving me all of these gullible people in the U.N. and the media."

GOP and College

-- Hugo Chavez takes a moment from his busy schedule to show Nancy Pelosi how one is supposed to hold one's hands when one wants to fake praying.

-- The Great Leader said religion is the opiate of the masses. Hugo Chavez gave it a try and decided to stick with blow.

Greg

-- "...And bless Fidel, and Osama, and Kofi, oh, and pleeeease don't let the peasants find out about the billions I stole from them."

hatless in hattiesburg

"...And lastly, please let me get a new chihuahua puppy for my birthday. Amen."

Hoodlumman

-- "Muchas Gracias, Dios, for making Tom Harkin understand me."

LongTabSigO

-- "El estimado Dios, recuerda que Ahmadinejad es peor que soy."

Maggie
[Dear God, remember that Ahmadinejad is worse than I am.]

-- "Dear God: The backdrop at the U.N. really needs to be changed. This green marble is ugly!"

the man

-- "Come back, Cindy, and I will make you my Queen. We will live in grandeur and rule with an iron fist in the squalor that is... Venezuela. Plus, the chili's not bad."

Pam

-- "Scotty, don't tell me, 'It isn't working' - I need you to beam me up NOW."

-- When a picture of Fidel Castro flashed on the overhead, Hugo Chavez immediately stopped speaking and 'assumed the position.'

The Random Yak

-- "...And please let me have a John Bolton mustache ride. Amen."

-- "Oh, Lord, I have spoken to the U.N., faced off the Great Satan, and befriended poor humble Castro, now please make J-Lo my wife as you promised."

Rodney Dill

-- "Dear God... Please do not smite my sorry a**."

sgt fluffy

-- "Ummmmm... That light coming down here... is that lightning?"

Special Ed

-- "...And I'd like a bicycle, and a baseball glove, and a fire engine..."

Steve O

-- "Ia! Shub-Niggurath! Black goat of the woods with a thousand young!"

-- "Please give me big, monstrous hooters like Christina Aguilera."

-- Oh, sure, nobody minds when a dictator prays, but let John Bolton handle one snake and all Hell breaks loose. (On the other hand, 'snake-handling' is pretty much John Bolton's job description.)

-- "...And please, God, I promise to stop exporting socialist revolution if You'll stop my head from turning into a basketball."

V the K

-- Now all we need are the handcuffs.

-- "...And I want a pony, and a slinky..."

-- After seeing Helen Thomas raise her hand to ask a question, Chavez prays for invisibility.

walrus

-- "Dear Allah... I mean God... thank you for creating me as El Diablo! Just don't let the world know..."

Zsa Zsa

THE TOP TEN:

#10: (With apologies to Janis Joplin)...

♫ Oh Lord won't you buy me a S'curity Council Seat
My friends that are Islam will think that its neat
No help from George Bush to help pull off this feat
Oh Lord won't you buy me a Security Council Seat ♫
Rodney Dill

#9: Hugo Chavez prays that his newest, bestest friends, the Islamofacist jihadists, don't pick today to nuke New York.

walrus

#8: "Dear God: Please don't let a U.S. cruise missle fly up my a**!"

jimmyb

#7: Bolton thinks to himself: "I can't believe Hugo fell for that old 'the U.N. lights all have a *clapper* switch' gag!"

hatless in hattiesburg

#6: We've secretly removed all the water from Hugo Chavez's swimming pool. Let's see if he notices...

walrus

#5: "Please don't let the price of oil fall below $60 a barrel."

Doc

#4: Since he was praying for global socialist revolution, the ACLU gave him a pass.

V the K

#3: "...And please, Dear, Sweet Jesus, let someone introduce Cindy Sheehan to the concepts of soap, deodorant, and Jenny Craig before she comes around to Caracas again."

V the K

#2: Maybe if I act like I'm praying, no one will notice I dealt the "sulfur smell"...

Beerme

And the winning entry for this Caption Contest...

#1: "...And please, God, place a Citgo on every corner of the Devil's Kingdom!"

Beerme

BONUS!

(To the tune of "Papa, Can You Hear Me?")

♫ Noam
Oh, Noam
May the Right
Be smothered in the night
The way your spirit corrupts my soul

Chomsky, can you hear me?
Chomsky, can you see me?
Chomsky, can you help me crush the Right?
Chomsky, are you near me?
Chomsky, can you hear me?
Chomsky, can you help me not be frightened?

Looking at the skies, I seem to shout a million lies
Which ones are yours?
Where are you now that Castro has waved good-bye
And has bed sores?
The Right is so much darker
The wind is so much colder
The world I see is so much bigger now that I'm alone

Chomsky, please forgive me
Try to understand me
Chomsky, don't you know I had no choice?
Can you hear me praying?
Anything I'm saying
Even though the Right is filled with voices?

I remember ev'rything you taught me
Ev'ry rant you've ever said
Can all the lies in all the books
Help me to face what lies ahead?

I am so much taller
Than Mahmoud, who's so much smaller
George Bush is Beelzebub, and I don't think he's that bright
Chomsky, how I love you
Chomsky, how I need you
Chomsky, how I miss you kissing me good-night... ♫

Damian G.

BONUS!