Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Selections from the "Donktionary"

To aid Conservatives, Republicans and Independents everywhere in more fully understanding the political debate in modern-day America, the Right Place offers the following selected terms from the new Liberal Democrat to English dictionary, or "Donktionary," being created by our crack staff.

ADVICE AND CONSENT: A phrase found in the Constitution empowering the Democrat Senate minority to dictate to a duly elected Republican President whom he can and cannot nominate to any appointed political position in the Federal Government, particularly the Judiciary, in spite of anything else one might find in said Constitution. (NOTE: In the event a Democrat is elected President, this interpretation of the phrase in question shall be null and void and the President shall hold supreme power to appoint whomever he wants to any position, however kooky they may be, no matter who controls the Senate and how dare any Republican say otherwise.)

BI-PARTISANSHIP: When Republicans cave in and give Democrats everything they want.

CONSTITUTION: 1.) A quaint historical document to be re-written, re-interpreted or completely disregarded by Liberal Judges and politicians who know better than a bunch of old dead guys what's best for us. 2.) Something to hold up as sacred and under assault any time a Conservative or Republican tries to advance any portion of his or her agenda which conflicts, in any way, with the prescribed Liberal point of view.

DISENFRANCHISE: What Republicans are attempting to do to traditional Democrat voting blocs such as dead people, illegal aliens, felons and housepets by requiring legal identification to register and/or vote. (NOTE: All Liberals must insist at all costs that these measures are meant only to suppress minority turnout or risk losing their long cherished election fraud advantage!)

ETHICS: ??? [Term does not exist in Donk language.]

EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN: Bible thumping imbecile who probably voted for that chimp, George W. Bush.

EXTRAORDINARY CIRCUMSTANCES: A true Conservative has just been nominated for any governmental post, especially the Federal Judiciary, by George W. Bush, sparking the need to filibuster in accordance with the agreement signed by 7 "moderate" Democrats and the 7 Republican dolts they duped.

EXTREMIST: 1.) Nominee for any Judicial, Cabinet or other Federal post introduced by George W. Bush. 2.) Any Conservative or Republican.

FASCIST: Any Conservative or Republican.

FILIBUSTER: 1.) A time honored Senate tradition, the elimination of which would threaten the very fabric of American society. 2.) When Democrats are in charge of the Senate: An antiquated vehicle of Republican obstructionism that needs to be done away with to prevent the unravelling of the very fabric of American society. 3.) Definitely NOT in any way related to preventing a vote on John Bolton's nomination to be U.N. Ambassador.

HITLER: 1.) George W. Bush 2.) Any Conservative or Republican.

HOMOPHOBE: Any Conservative or Republican.

HONESTY: ??? [Term does not exist in Donk language.]

HYPOCRITE: Any Conservative or Republican to whom you are losing an argument.

INTEGRITY: ??? [Term does not exist in Donk language.]

"INTENT OF THE VOTER": A phrase meaning that a Democrat political operative conducting a "recount" is entitled to assign any ballot for which a clear choice of candidate is impossible to discern to the Democrat candidate in the race in question because, obviously, no one would ever leave a race so important to the Democrats blank and we can tell that the voter in question meant to vote for our guy anyway.

IS: A word whose meaning is relative to the nuances of its own definition.

LIAR: Any Conservative or Republican to whom you are losing an argument.

LOSER: Someone who just finished beating you like a redheaded stepchild in the last election cycle.

MINORITY RIGHTS: The inherent right of those of us who feel that we are superior to run this country in spite of the fact that we keep losing elections.

MODERATE: A Liberal running for election or re-election.

NAZI: Any Conservative or Republican.

"OUT OF THE MAINSTREAM": Somewhere to the right of Ted Kennedy.

PARTISANSHIP: 1.) Republicans attempt to put forth any part of their agenda that conflicts with Liberal dogma. 2.) Republicans won't cave in and give Democrats absolute power. 3.) Republicans brazenly attempt to defeat Democrats during an election cycle.

PATRIOTISM: Opposing your own country's national interests at a time of war because you thoroughly dislike the President.

QUAGMIRE: A war that we wish we were losing so we could be proven correct about not wanting to fight it in the first place.

RACIST: Any Conservative or Republican.

REPUBLICAN: 1.) The epitome of all that is evil. 2.) Some gun-toting religious nut that is opposed to clean air, clean water, education, health care and freedom in general and hates (i.e., wants to kill and/or oppress) old people, minorities, gays, women, immigrants, the handicapped and the poor. (We know all of this to be true because we have repeated it all so often, we have actually begun to believe it ourselves.)

RIGHT WING RADICAL: 1.) Any Conservative or Republican. 2.) Any politician to the right of Ted Kennedy.

SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE: 1.) Freedom FROM Religion, which, of course, trumps Freedom OF Religion. 2.) The absolute most important Constitutional principal of all rendering any reference to God or religion in public illegal because it might offend someone. 3.) A phrase that is not actually found in the Constitution, but Liberal judges and the ACLU have assured us that it is in there nonetheless.

SEXIST: Any Conservative or Republican.

SEXUAL RELATIONS: 1.) What Bill Clinton did not have with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky. 2.) A term whose definition does not in any way include "oral gratification."

SOCIAL SECURITY: A sacrosanct American Institution that would be destroyed utterly by any Republican attempting to save it.

UNIMPEACHABLE SOURCE: Someone who put forth "fake but accurate" evidence or told a story that might do harm to a prominent Republican or Conservative, so it MUST be true and the source must never be questioned or revealed.

VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY: A brazen attempt by Conservatives to break the stranglehold of the long-held media monopoly by Liberals and get their message heard by the American people.

VIET NAM: ANY war or armed conflict America has been involved in, even remotely, since the 1960's (except for those signed off on by Jimmy Carter or Bill Clinton).

"WE SUPPORT THE TROOPS": F**k the troops, it is far more important to oppose the President, but we need to act like we care!

WEALTHY: 1.) A word to describe any person making at least $1 more per year than you do, who therefore must be taxed back to the Stone Age to save the country from bankruptcy and ruin. 2.) A term NEVER to be applied to Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, Jay Rockefeller, et. al., who, despite their vast wealth, can identify with working class America with ease - unlike all those evil, rich Republicans.

"WORST ECONOMY IN __ YEARS": A slight economic downturn (or even a full-blown economic boom hidden by our allies in the mainstream media) occurring during a Republican Presidency.


UPDATE: Welcome PoliPundit readers! Thank you, Lorie, for giving my little blog another Byrdbath!

UPDATE: John O at Brain Droppings has some entry submissions of his own. My favorites:

MANDATE: Unattainable by Republicans with a majority of the popular vote; 43% of the popular vote required for Democrats to claim one.


UNILATERAL: Any US policy not supported by France.

Anyone else? Submissions gladly accepted...


Submitted to the Basil's Blog Supper feature for 5/31.

Submitted to IMAO's Carnival of Comedy #6.

Submitted to Wizbang's Carnival of the Trackbacks XIV.


John O said...

Nice work. I have some additional entries for the Donktionary posted at Brain Droppings.

loboinok said...

Nice site, nice post! Would you be interested in exchanging links?