Tuesday, May 17, 2005

RIGHT PLACE EXCLUSIVE: Hillary Clinton's Secret Love Affair Exposed!

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY), the former First Lady and leading contender for the 2008 Democrat Presidential nomination, has been caught red-handed in an extra-marital tryst with none other than the mysterious and elusive Bigfoot!

The Right Place has obtained a sworn eyewitness affidavit, faxed from a Kinko's Copies in Abilene, Texas, stating that the famed Sasquatch and the Senator were seen cavorting together at Barbra Streisand's private ski chalet in the Colorado mountains. My unimpeachable source, who must remain anonymous, has said that while he can produce no photographic or documentary evidence of said hanky-panky, he can state, unequivocally, that it is "totally and completely 100% quite possibly true - cross my heart, hope to die, stick a thousand needles in my eye!"

This eyewitness, whom I am certain to be a man of character as I met him once for approximately 5 minutes when we crossed paths in a Peoria, IL Stuckey's several years ago, also reports that he observed the two lovebirds dining together on a dinner of roast spotted owl and sauteed puppy livers prepared by none other than Martha Stewart, and that they were both using genuine American flags for napkins! Afterwards, all three of them, Ms. Stewart included, stripped each other nude and enjoyed soaking and giggling in a hot tub for awhile, drinking heavily and snorting some form of white powdery substance, which the eyewitness believes to have been cocaine! They then retired together to the boudoir for a night of raucous, passionate sex!

The Right Place had an associate place an illegible 15th generation photocopy of the affidavit in question under a pile of papers on an intern's desk at the Senator's New York offices ten minutes ago, and when no one called to deny the story, took that as an affirmation of its complete and total veracity and made no further attempt to contact the Senator or anyone else remotely connected to her or any of the other principals involved and rushed to post this hot and sordid tale! After all, if such unvetted horseplop is good enough for the mainstream media, then why the hell should I care if it's actually true?*

*The Right Place refuses to take one iota of responsibility for posting this ridiculous story or any possible resulting consequences, so there!

UPDATE: Tragic development!

UPDATE 5/18: The Right Place Stands By Its Story!


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