A spokesperson for "Peace Mom" Cindy Sheehan revealed today that a multi-billion dollar lawsuit had been filed in Celestial Court against Almighty God Himself in response to the recent hurricane and resulting devastation, which "only served to knock coverage of her crusade against the President off the front page and the prime-time network news."
"The spirit of the late Johnnie Cochran will be handling her case, pro bono," said Sheehan spokeswoman, Ima Hauer, at an impromptu and sparsely attended press conference in a ditch outside President Bush's recently vacated ranch near Crawford, Texas. "We felt compelled to file this suit due to the blatantly obvious attempt to deny Mrs. Sheehan her Constitutional Right to non-stop front and center press coverage for the remainder of her life, a Right she earned due to the pre-meditated murder of her son by President George W. Bush, who sent him to die in a meaningless war for oil."
"We believe that this 'hurricane' came at an awfully convenient time for the President, and that fact, in and of itself, constitutes absolute proof of a conspiracy to knock coverage of Mrs. Sheehan's plight from the front page!" Decried a defiant Johnnie Cochran through well-known medium Oda Mae Brown, "Since God is the only Entity capable of creating such a distraction, we intend to sue His golden sandals off for this outrage! The President has openly admitted to his belief in God and stated that he regularly prays to Him. It is this open channel of communication which, we contend, the President exploited to ask God for this 'favor' and we will prove this before the court and the entire Universe!"
An anonymous friend of Sheehan, wishing only to be referred to as "The Duke" added, "She is also suing the State of Israel because, as everyone knows, no plot this large could ever move forward without the aid of the Jews! Besides, don't you think it was peculiar that there were so few Jewish people in the Gulf Coast area when the storm hit? We contend that they were warned to leave ahead of time." When a reporter pointed out that everyone had been warned ahead of time that the storm was coming, "The Duke" abruptly walked away, mumbling to himself.
The response from Heaven was swift, "We are very concerned about this right now and are taking it very seriously," said St. Peter to a room full of reporters through an apparition on a Vatican wall. "Our biggest worry is finding competent representation. Good defense lawyers are quite difficult to come by up here." After a momentary pause, St. Peter laughed, "I always wanted to tell that joke! No seriously, Mrs. Sheehan is a complete loon and you can tell her that I just spoke with her son. He said that she should just shut up and go home before she embarrasses herself and her family any further or does any more damage to his good name. Thank you."
I hope that you enjoyed this post. If you have not yet done so, please take a moment out of your busy day and give what you can to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. You'll feel good about yourself and you'll know that you did something to help those who really need it. God bless you.
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