Saturday, May 13, 2006

Captions Outrageous! Winners [I Shot the Sharif Edition]

Announcing the winners of the 43rd ever Right Place Photo Caption Contest!

Thank you to one and all who participated!

Presenting the TOP 40+ captions for this picture from REUTERS/Department of Defense/Handout via Yahoo!

BONUS! The "I Can't Believe Nobody Used It" Award:

"Say hello to my little frien... my little fr... my lit.. Damn it, how come Tony Montana never had these problems?"

Mr. Right

And now, the countdown...

#40: 'Ow to speak Australian: Overcompensating.

V the K

#39: Zarqawi... still less of a threat to the U.S. Capitol than Patrick Kennedy.

the man

#38: "All of your bullets are belong to us!"

Good Lt

#37: "Allahu Ak... --- oh f**k; my Zionist gun is stuck! Achmed, come clean the barrel with your lips."


#36: Things that will NOT to instill confidence in your men:
Air-guitaring "Freebird" on your jammed weapon.

Son of the Godfather

#35: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi fires a "heavy machine gun." However, he indicated later that problems he had handling the weapon were due to his taking Ambien, and some other drug to treat his anus. CNN staffers drove him home before newsmen on the scene could do field sanity tests.

Steve O

#34: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi demonstrates the ability to hit a grain of sand at 100 yards with a single shot! Every time!

Steve O

#33: "...Because Uzi's make my a** look fat."

Rodney Dill

#32: "...And now, I would like to honor the most recent martyrs for Allah...
Hous bin Pharten;
I'zheet m'Drurz;
Mustaf Herod Apyur Poupr...
Hold the cue cards still... Why are you laughing?... Why haven't I heard of these men before?"

Rodney Dill

#31: Moments later, Al-Zarqawi sneezed, and his companion received an unplanned lesson in the maneuver known as the enfilade.

D. Carter

#30: "And you promise when I open my eyes, all the crusaders will be gone?"


#29: "Oh, hell! The ammo clips are riding up on me again!"

D. Carter

#28: "Are you sure this isn't gonna get out and get spread all over the Internet like that time I was pretending to be a Jedi?"

V the K

#27: "He's shooting at the cans!!!! He HATES these cans!!!"

Steve O

#26: "He gets too excited and fires off too soon? Tell me something I don't know, girlfriend."

V the K

#25: After the Tool Time Girl turned him down again, Al Borland swore he'd get even.

Rodney Dill

#24: "What did you say, Rasheed? The bigger the gun, the smaller the what?"

D. Carter

#23: "Okay, laugh, you infidels. Osama said I'd get the virgins just for lookin' good with this gun."

Greg Finnegan

#22: In the end, he's likely to become one of 71 other virgins servicing some teenage Palestinian boy.

Steve O

#21: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi fails to convince the casting directors that he's worthy of being cast as one of those guys who can last half a second against Jack Bauer.

Steve O

#20: Things that will NOT instill confidence in your men:
Closing your eyes and trying to use "The Force" to guide your aim.

Son of the Godfather

#19: Ali: "It happens to everyone sometimes..."
Zarqawi: ...
Ali: "No, really... it does..."
Zarqawi: ...
Ali: "It happened to my brother... my brother, Abu, just... last week."
Zarqawi: "Abu... dead Abu?"
Ali: "Yeah..."
Zarqawi: "I feel better."
Ali: "Hold me."



#18: The last words out of al-Zarqawi's mouth were, "Christ, this is heavy!"


#17: Zarqawi's shooting practice was extremely limited, since his boss only let him carry one bullet in his pocket.

D. Carter

#16: "Why, yes, Achmed, when you close your eyes it does sound like an Apache helicopter moving in from a distance. Why do you ask, Achmed? Achmed?"


#15: "Yippee! The five day waiting period is over! Praise Allah!... Now, how do I work this thing?"


#14: While Zarqawi bragged to his pals about his "huge gun", the dreaded "Black Ninja of Death" silently crept in for the kill.

Buckley F. Williams

#13: "Oops... Sorry! Okay, for anyone who has not been shot, the party is still on. We meet at an-Uslube's at seven."

Steve O

#12: "I don't know but it's been said;
If you want virgin p***y, you gotta be dead!;
Sound off: One - two..."


#11: "What??? I pay $100,000 to that lousy French arms dealer and he sends me fifty Super Soakers?!?"

D. Carter

#10: "Grassy knoll? We're in a desert, you idiot!"


#9: "This is my rifle; This is my gun;
One is for shooting; One is for... goats."

V the K

#8: After the 47th take, when Al-Zarqawi still could not say "Vitameatavegamin", he shot the camera man.

Rodney Dill

#7: "Don't be a wise-a**, Achmed, just flush the quail like I asked you to."


#6: "Damn it, Zarqawi, that was the unit's 'love camel'! Now what are the boys gonna do on Saturday night?"

V the K

#5: Senate Democrats later met in caucus to discuss whether al-Zarqawi should be replaced.

Steve O

#4: (TAKE ONE)
NOBODY expects the Al Qaeda Insurgency! Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise....
Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency....
Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Prophet Muhammad....
Our four... No... Amongst our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surprise...
I'll come in again.

Rodney Dill

#3: "What is your major malfunction, Private Zarqawi?!?!"


#2: "Be verrrrrrrry, verrrrrrrry quiet... I'm hunting Jooooooos. Hahahahaha."


And the winning entry for this Caption Contest...

#1: "I've always wanted one since I was young, but my Momma said, 'You'll shoot your eye out.'"

Rodney Dill

BONUS! Presenting the best of "DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi":

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
George Bush is probably more intelligent than we thought, it took the Iranian scientists 5 year to discover that nucular an nuclear were the same type of weapon.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
I have a cousin, Whertha Fuqawi. Whenever he did something wrong, his mother would say his name and he'd answer, "We're right here." This was probably not a good thing.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
My cousin Whertha is so horny, even his horses are dromedaries (humped animals).

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
Lets see, one sexually inexperienced martyr to 72 inexperienced, sexually frustrated virgins... being one of the virgins is probably not a good thing.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
They say bin-Laden has a sister that looks like a goat. All-in-all, America should reconsider the whole burqa thing.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
Its always pull pin and throw grenade, not the other way.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
When juggling knives you can catch the wrong end... once.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
"Allahu Akbar" is good, but Allahu Cashbar is better. Allahu Openbar is the best.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
The desert is a lot like the beach, except, no water.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
The Oil for Food ploy was just one big American plot. I tried some on my Swarma once, and it tasted just like crap.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
Hokey Religions and ancient weapons are no match for a fervent belief in Islam and an AK-47... er, let me rethink that.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
You may wonder why anyone would need 72 Virgins, well, my friends, sand does not make a great aphrodisiac.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
I tried condoms once, but I couldn't breath once it was fitted snuggly over the head, American are such idiots when it comes to writing directions.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
If you are not the lead Camel, the view is always the same. Of course, if you are the lead camel in a cave or spider-hole, the view is always the same as well.

DEEP THOUGHTS - by Al-Zarqawi
You go to war with the terrorists you have, not the terrorists you may want or wish to have at a later time.

And you can blame Rodney Dill for the entire lot (for which I will award him 5 points)!


Chris has sent along a link to his own Zarqawi blooper reel!

Bravo! Bravo!

Encore! Encore!


Captions Outrageous! [Giving Him the Boot Edition]



Oh, Thank Heaven for 7/11 Edition
Fickle Finger of Fate Edition
Things Are Looking Up Edition
Rage in the Cage Edition
Not So Mellow Fellow in Yellow Edition
The Beards and the Beads Edition
Weapons of Mash Destruction Edition
You're Al I Ever Wanted Edition
His Cup Runneth Over Edition
The Eyes Have It Edition
Jeepers Veepers Edition
Huggermugger Edition
Ear's to You Edition
Heavy Medal Edition
Village of the Damned Edition
White on Rice Edition
Sunny Side Up Edition
Absentee Mallet Edition
French Tickler Edition
In Through the Out Door Edition
Frankenstein Meets Godzilla Edition
Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel Edition
Spirits of Christmas Present Edition
Dorito Bandito Edition
Shadow of His Former Self Edition
When the Saints Go Mouthing Off Edition
The Face That Sunk 1000 Ships Edition
Surely You Jest Edition
And the Camel They Rode in on Edition
Chucky Squeeze Edition
On Dangerous Ground Edition
Here's Cooking at You Edition
Catch a Falling Star Edition
Iran So Far Away Edition
Weapons of MASS. Obstruction Edition
Censure and Sensibility Edition
Big Easy Rider Edition
Acid Reflex Edition
Pride in Prejudice Edition
A Bush in the Hand Edition
Wouldn't You Give a Hand to a Friend Edition
The Forecast Calls for Snow Edition

And, in case you haven't yet seen it, here are the overall standings through the first 40 caption contests!


Thanks for the links!

Outside the Beltway
Lucky Dawg News
Isaac Schrödinger

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